Shadows in the Sun
By Rukhsana HasibAbbott Press
Copyright © 2012 Rukhsana Hasib
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4582-0112-6Chapter One
Kalidum village (India 1971)
* * *
It was early in the day yet.
Like all her other days, it began with her daily chores: washing, sweeping, peeling potatoes, chopping vegetables, grinding masala, boiling dal, cooking a big pot of rice, and pouring endless cups of tea, from an aluminum kettle, for her mother-in-law's enjoyment.
This day, however, turned out to be no ordinary day. It would bring with it unimaginable changes in the lives of many.
Mayuri sighed. She prepared a little extra food, just in case!
"Will it come today, Maiee?" Little Rajani ran around her mother in circles, kicking up dirt with her bare feet and noisily sucking on a lemon drop.
"How should I know? It will come when it will come," Mayuri snapped.
The child's face clouded instantly.
Mayuri regretted her harshness and softened her tone. "Come and help me put these clothes out to dry. And Rajani, maybe, it will come today."
Rajani perked up, burst into excited chatter, and ran to help.
Dragging her feet and occasionally caressing her stomach to soothe the uneasy feeling in the pit of her belly, Mayuri went back inside to tend to the dal she had left boiling on the wood-burning stove. She glanced longingly at the sleeping mat at opposite end of the kitchen which was her mother-in-law's sleeping area and hungered for the taste of a little rest, a few minutes of indulgence to ease her discomfort.
But what would Mother-in-Law say? Mayuri feared the old woman's anger. But her tired body urged her on. She would get up before her mother-in-law caught her resting.
She twisted her long black hair around and around with one hand, tied it in a bun at the nape of her neck, and sighed again. Her soulful dark eyes watered, and she squeezed her eyelids tightly together to stop the tears from rolling out of her eyes and down her cheeks. She sat on the dirt floor, leaned her head against the wall, closed her eyes and drifted off into an exhausted sleep.
"Do you have no sense, stupid girl? Look what you have done!" Mother-in-Law was shaking Mayuri. "The dal is boiling over. You think it doesn't cost money?"
Mayuri's long lashes flew open. She dragged herself up, adjusted her sari, and proceeded to contain the damage her few minutes of shuteye had caused.
"Just look at her?" Her mother-in-law sneered, speaking as if she was addressing an audience. "As if no one ever carried a child in her belly except this one?" She slapped her palms together and squashed a fly buzzing around the spilled food.
As the day progressed, the uneasiness in her belly turned into a slow burn, and then into a tortured churning inside of her. It was time.
"Go tell your grandmother to send for the midwife," Mayuri called out to Rajani. "I think the baby is coming." She waddled back into the shack, set a kettle of water on the stove to boil, spread out a straw mat, and lay down to wait while Rajani ran to tell her grandmother the exciting news.
Nimaii hurried to fetch the midwife while his mother put her palms together in prayer hoping Mayuri would give birth to her first grandson this time. She had waited patiently since her daughter-in-law gave birth to the girl, Rajani almost four years ago.
"I need a grandson," she declared, "someone to carry on Nimaii's name and earn money to feed us in our old age." She urged Mayuri to try harder to fulfill her wifely duties in order to conceive again.
This time, however, Mother-in-Law was taking no chances. Regardless of the outcome of all her prayers, she was determined not to add more girls to the family. She knew the midwife had an excellent reputation for discretion in these matters, should the need arise.
Not originally from these parts, the midwife had suddenly appeared in the village of Kalidum, some twenty years ago and made her home in an old abandoned shack at the outskirts of the village. She then went door to door and offered her services to expectant mothers. No one really knew her name or anything about her people but she was readily admitted to all the homes in the neighboring villages when word spread of her special skills. Midwife had a real knack for not only bringing babies into the world but also for handling low valued birth of female or handicapped babies, quietly and quickly.
She preferred to be known only as midwife and that is what everyone called her.
Midwife hurried back with Nimaii and as soon as she arrived, Mayuri's mother-in-law took her aside. They agreed on a plan of action should it become necessary.
"Don't worry; I will take care of everything." Midwife grabbed her satchel and hurried to the stream, promising to return quickly. There, she found what she needed. The oleander shrubs grew in clusters along the bed, swaying in the breeze, their showy, white and pink flowers, hiding in all their fragrant beauty, a deadly poison. She collected the oleander sap in her jar, carefully put a few drops of a clear liquid from a small bottle and returned with the toxic, milky mixture.
Mother-in-Law stuck her head out the door and mumbled through a wad of beetle nut and pan leaves, which she had stuffed in her cheek.
"I don't want another curse, a burden for life," she told her son. "Don't go anywhere, Nimaii," she muttered under her breath. "I may need you." She spat out beetle nut juice through her rotting teeth and went inside to wait.
"Worthless girls! Simply worthless!" Nimaii muttered as he lit a bidi and waited for a sign of good fortune. The birth of a son should prove his superior manhood to the entire village.
In his own way, Nimaii cared for his daughter, Rajani, but as a female, she was still a burden. He would have to spend years raising her till she was of marriageable age. Till then, she had to be provided for and her virtues closely guarded from the time she attained puberty so she could make a good marriage.
Then there was the trouble of finding a suitable groom and providing a dowry as well!
The Twins
* * *
Mayuri cried out as contractions ripped through her belly but still muttered her prayers, as she had done, every day since she became certain of her pregnancy. Her mother-in-law instructed her to visualize the phallus in a ritual of daily prayers and chanting. That, she believed would get the attention of the gods and they would favor her with a male child. It was time now to find out if the gods were listening. Mayuri groaned and clutched her belly. Rajani came running to her mother's side and held her hand, not knowing how to comfort her.
"Get away. Stay outside." Mother-in-Law took charge and pushed the child out of the door.
The agonizing efforts to push out the child left Mayuri weak and exhausted. Her body soaked in perspiration, she felt like a fish caught in a fisherman's net, struggling, and unable to escape. The midwife, assisting with the birthing, ordered her to lie still and concentrate on pushing as Mayuri rocked from side to side and moaned.
"Push, you stupid girl. And stop all that noise. You are not the only woman who had to do this," her mother-in-law hissed through missing front teeth.
Mayuri sunk her teeth into her lip in an attempt to silence her screams and tasted blood.
"Ma—Ma," she cried in vain, and then she called out to her little girl. "Rajani. Rajani." Just saying her daughter's name comforted her a little. Her little girl, the only solace in her life did not answer. No one else here had any sympathy for her? Mayuri longed for her own mother to be by her side at a moment like this to ease her anguish.
"Shut up and keep pushing." Mother-in-Law had no patience with her.
Mayuri looked up, tears trickling down her cheeks, searching for a hint of sympathy in the woman's face. Mother-in-Law stared back, cold, unfeeling, intent on the job at hand. Mayuri pursed her lips together and swallowed the scream rising from her throat.
It was getting dark and after several hours of labor had passed Mayuri could no longer bear the excruciating pain in silence. She let out a long series of agonizing screams and pushed with all her might, her face distorted at the sheer hardship of the effort. Yes, she could do it. Push, scream, push, scream, push, and scream. Yes, yes, yes, a tiny, little head appeared. One more push and she did it. The infant slipped out covered in birth gook.
"Aahh!" The midwife grunted and got ready to cut off the umbilical cord but Mayuri was still screaming and pushing.
Her labor was not over yet. Another little head appeared.
"Push!" Both women shouted.
There were two infants—two sons for her husband. Mayuri had done a good job, she thought. She slumped back on the mat, closed her eyes, and heaved a sigh of relief.
One by one, Mayuri's mother-in-law picked up the babies, and took them closer to the flickering light of the oil lamp to have a look. She held each one up and checked their privates and let out a scream.
"Stupid girl, see now what you have gone and done. Stupid! What a stupid girl you are! Just look at the problem you have created for us." Her face dark with rage, Mother-in-Law turned menacingly toward Mayuri.
"Oh, no!" Dizzy and weak, Mayuri began to tremble, her teeth chattering uncontrollably.
"For shame!" Mother-in-Law spat the words at her.
Her outstretched arms to hold her newborn infants were ignored by the two women with an agenda of their own. Knowing glances were exchanged between them. Mayuri knew the possible consequence of giving birth to two girls. She lowered her gaze and hung her head.
Think, think, and say something. Make a promise. Anything?
She dragged her weary body up on her hands and knees, crawling on the dirt floor. With both hands she grabbed her mother-in-law's feet and pleaded.
"I will give you a boy before the year is out," Mayuri sobbed. "Just one more chance, please?"
"That you will, you stupid girl." She hissed like a deadly serpent through her rotting, clenched teeth. The steely look in her eyes gave away her intentions. She gestured at the midwife, who nodded in return.
Throughout the pregnancy, Mother-in-Law had taken it upon herself to remind Mayuri often, that in addition to prayers and chanting, her first thought each morning and her last thought each night should be about the son she was about to deliver for her husband.
"Imagine the phallic symbol when you pray," she commanded and reminded her, in no uncertain terms, that failure to give birth to a boy would not be acceptable.
Despite all that chanting and praying, however, Mayuri did not get what she wanted. She had failed her husband again.
She had feared the consequences of her failure a second time; the first time being the birth of Rajani, which was reluctantly accepted but not forgiven either by her husband or her mother-in-law. So as Mayuri's belly began to grow this time, she covered the roundness of it under her loosely tied sari and concentrated on the daily regimen of prayer prescribed by her mother-in-law. She urged the gods to hear her pleas and stroked her swelling belly; speaking softly to the child she was carrying. "Please be a son—oh, please."
At times, she urged Rajani to put her palms together and pray for a baby brother. "The gods always hear the prayers of little children," she said.
The gods betrayed her again.
Mayuri struggled with the shadow of fear which descended upon her, forming dark and deadly shapes as her mother-in-law and midwife moved about the small room, whispering.
"Oh, no," Mayuri shuddered. She was aware of the age old practice of killing unwanted female infants, still prevalent in many remote parts of India and felt powerless against the two women who stared down at her without the slightest hint of compassion.
The practice of female infanticide, the intentional killing of baby girls due to a preference for male babies, particularly in poor Hindu families, continued in rural Indian society, till the middle of the twentieth century and was considered a necessary course of action for many families burdened with poverty and hopelessness. The reasons for this bias against daughters are due to practical reasons. The birth of a son is viewed as an asset and the birth of a daughter as a liability. Sons grow up and work in the fields and provide financial support to aging parents while daughters are burdens who have to be raised and married off to suitable husbands who often demand cash dowries in order to accept a marriage proposal. Mayuri had heard about these killings and the fear of losing her babies flooded her mind like the gushing rivers during monsoon rains.
Mayuri had also heard that some girl babies were spared and left in a local orphanage run by Christian nuns. The discarded baby was placed in a cradle that stood on the covered verandah of the orphanage which the locals referred to, as Kalidum Ashram, since no one could pronounce it by its proper name in English, Cradle of Mercy. The orphanage had made it quick and easy for anyone wanting to leave a baby there. A side door was always left unlocked to facilitate the baby drop in secret. As soon as the baby was placed in the cradle, an attached bell rang; announcing the new arrival and the baby was taken inside. Mayuri knew that the place was not too far. She would take these poor unfortunate creatures there.
"Please," Mayuri pleaded, "tomorrow morning, very early, I will leave them at the Ashram. No one will know. We will tell everyone they were stillborn." Her words fell on deaf ears.
Born dead. That was exactly the way it was going to be, her mother-in-law thought. But those missionaries will not get their hands on these babies and convert them. They were better off dead. This was an age old accepted solution and it was better this way.
Quick and simple. Clean!
Murder
* * *
Undernourished, overworked, and with no prenatal care, Mayuri was now bleeding profusely. Her face flushed with the strain of childbirth, she looked thin and small, quite unlike a woman of twenty.
"Let me hold them," she stretched out her arms and said softly.
"Get back," Mother-in-Law commanded. "Here take this and fix yourself." She threw a rag and a string at her. "It is best you do not see them."
Mayuri folded the rag, secured it between her legs, and tied it with the string round her waist to soak up the blood pouring out of her.
The straw mat upon which she lay, bloody with the remnants of childbirth, felt cold and sticky. Mayuri lay back down, shivering, watchfully eying the midwife wrap the infants tightly in rags cut out from an old sari. The women made no attempt to help her clean up or cover her with a blanket. They were whispering again and the babies were crying.
"Let her hold them for just a moment," the midwife whispered.
"Here, take them then." Mother-in-Law said and brought the tiny little creatures and placed them in their mother's arms. She thought her mother-in-law had a change of heart and Mayuri cradled the babies to her bosom and gave her a grateful look. She held the tiny babies close and began to cry. Sweat trickled off Mayuri's brow on to the babies as she kissed them over and over. Comforted, the babies stopped crying. They seemed so helpless and in need of her protection. Tomorrow she would give them up, take them to be raised by the sisters at the ashram. These poor little creatures will live. And for a brief moment Mayuri was relieved.
"Now that's enough. Lie still girl." The midwife came forward and took the infants out of her arms. They began to cry.
"Not yet." She snatched them right back. "Tomorrow, before anyone is up, I will take them." She cradled the crying babies, swaying back and forth, soothing them.
"Shut up, girl," Mother-in-Law snapped. "You have the wrong idea.
Mayuri realized that her mother-in-law had not had a change of heart. "Don't hurt them," she was begging.
So tiny, barely bigger than kittens, her babies, needed special care to survive, and, as her milk began to flow, she wanted to hold them, to suckle them at her breast, to sustain their lives.
"Just for tonight ..." She held them to her bosom and went back to sit on her mat. She would protect them, her flesh and blood, just for tonight. Tomorrow she would appeal to her husband and Nimaii would go with her to the Kalidum Ashram and leave the babies there. But tonight she had to convince her mother in law that this was the right thing to do.
Mother-in-Law retreated to the shadows. A flicker of hope began to appear and Mayuri thought that once morning came, her mother-in-law will take another look at these poor little creatures and have pity. She will let her keep them. Mayuri closed her eyes and dozed off, just for a while, her infants at her breast, comforted.
Shortly afterwards, Mayuri suddenly became aware of the activity in the room and opened her eyes. The oil lamp flickered and the shadows on the wall made her anxious again. She blinked, narrowed her eyes, and peered into the dimly lit shack. They were whispering in the corner again and Mayuri cringed. Instinctively she knew that they were preparing for the worst.
What should she do? What could she do? Almost as if unable to awake from a bad dream, Mayuri began to call out for someone to come in and break this murderous spell.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Shadows in the Sunby Rukhsana Hasib Copyright © 2012 by Rukhsana Hasib. Excerpted by permission of Abbott Press. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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