CHAPTER 1
Paul
The "Gift" of Singleness
Wherever the single person is, God is doing something. You can't alter it; you can't add something to it; you can't take something from it. God does His work so He can grow that person to be like Himself. Then when others see God in that person, His purpose has been fulfilled.
— Luci Swindoll (author, speaker, and never-been-married single)
An airline ticket to San Diego, a box of assorted chocolates, or even a pair of socks could constitute a gift. However, using this noun in reference to singleness leaves us wondering if one is speaking the correct language; while in English gift denotes a present or talent, in German the word gift refers to poison or toxin. Even the word celibacy raises images of something you might observe in a freak show. And yet, I fear the same dreadful notion carries over when people say a man or woman has "the gift of singleness." After all, the thinking goes, a "normal" person would never choose to live alone. The argument continues by citing God's creation of Eve for Adam, demonstrating that one is so much better off married. Consequently, the "gift" is portrayed as a curse rather than a blessing.
The reference to singleness as a gift originates in one of Paul's letters to the Corinthians. As a single adult serving Christ, Paul wishes that all men and women could be like him (1 Cor. 7:7). What exactly is this gift of singleness Paul is referring to in his letter to the believers at Corinth? Is the term used to provide a conciliatory token for losing in some cruel, cosmic game of Russian roulette? In this chapter, we will explore Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 7, how these words are evidenced in his own ministry, and how we should understand them today.
Two Gifts and Two Questions
Understanding Paul's words begins with their context. Paul writes to believers in Corinth to correct erroneous practices, attack false teachers, and provide instruction concerning the offering for poverty-stricken believers in Jerusalem.
Despite several historical and geographical differences, the culture of Corinth bears a strong resemblance to present-day American culture. Prominent Bible scholar Anthony Thiselton states that Corinthian culture was "self-sufficient, self-congratulatory ... coupled with an obsession about peer-group prestige, success in competition, their devaluing of tradition and universals, and near contempt for those without standing in some chosen value system." And as such, "1 Corinthians stands in a distinctive position of relevance to our own times."
While her members possessed many gifts and abilities (such as the spiritual gifts seen in 1 Cor. 12–13; see also 1:4–7), the church in Corinth remained spiritually immature (3:1–4). Resembling her culture, the church's immaturity even included gross sexual sin. For instance, in 1 Corinthians 5 we read not only of a man sleeping with his stepmother but also of many people within the church boasting of allowing it to continue. In response to this perverse culture and to particular believers who embraced such activity, some of the Corinthian believers overreacted and forbade sexual relations even in marriage.
The apostle addresses these extremes of promiscuity and abstinence within the local body of believers, first concentrating on the importance of maintaining sexual activity within marriage. He then concludes these opening thoughts by stating, "I wish that everyone was as I am [single]. But each has his own gift from God, one this way, another that" (7:7). Paul boldly declares both marriage and singleness to be gifts bestowed by God. I am continually amazed at Paul's words. In all my years of attending church, I do not remember anyone referring to the "gift of marriage." Often people neglect to see both as gifts, and in so doing, regard singleness as a social oddity. Finally, note that Paul doesn't pit the two marital states against each other but stresses the significance of each gift. Both are God-given.
I am comforted to know that God is the one distributing marriage or singleness. The God who called me before He created this world, who knows the number of hairs on my head, and who gave His Son for me is the benefactor of these gifts. It is the Lord who has appointed — not Aunt Lilly, not my mother, not my so-called friends, nor that well-meaning church member.
Yet Paul's statement in verse 7 raises two significant questions. First, how do I know which gift has been divinely selected for me? The common response, even among many Bible scholars, proposes that contentment is the deciding factor. In other words, the gift of singleness equates with one's satisfaction in living solo. Often proponents of this view believe the gift is celibacy, and they refer to the eunuchs in Matthew 19:12 for further support of their position: "For there are some eunuchs who were that way from birth, and some who were made eunuchs by others, and some who became eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who is able to accept this should accept it."
As I frequently tell my students, studying key biblical terms can greatly enhance our understanding of the text. When we investigate the Greek word for "gift," charisma, in 1 Corinthians 7:7, we find that Paul never uses this lexical form with an obligation attached. In the twenty occurrences of the word in the New Testament, charisma always conveys a divine gift or something freely and graciously given by God. The gift stands independent of human response. In fact, Scripture never indicates that God's blessings are earned by our contentment. Charisma is theocentric, not anthropocentric. Despite periods of loneliness, depression, and need, Paul declares, "Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am" (Phil. 4:11 NASB; see also 2 Cor. 12:10; 1 Tim. 6:8). While the immediate context of this verse concerns material possessions and various comforts of life, certainly we can include his present state of singleness.
Later in 1 Corinthians, we also observe Paul's willingness to become a slave to all people for the sake of the gospel (9:19), and we find his reminder that all we do should be for the glory of God (10:31). Because Paul recognized God's many blessings, his focus was not on his marital status but on serving the Lord. In "Singled Out by God for Good," Paige Benton provides a healthy outlook on the single life. Echoing Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 7, she writes: "I am not single because I am too spiritually unstable to possibly deserve a husband, nor because I am too spiritually mature to possibly need one. I am single because God is so abundantly good to me, because this is his best for me. It is a cosmic impossibility that anything could be better for me right now than being single. The psalmists confirm that I should not want, I shall not want, because no good thing will God withhold from me."
The popular belief that "as soon as you're satisfied with God alone, He'll bring someone special into your life" fails to account for God's sovereignty in His distribution of gifts. The reference to eunuchs in Matthew 19 also fails to support contentment as the key in identifying one's gift, because the context of the two passages is different, and because the word charisma is absent in the Matthew passage. And lastly, if contentment is the determining factor for singleness, wouldn't contentment also be the determining factor for keeping the gift of marriage? Certainly nowhere in Scripture does discontentment provide grounds for divorce.
If contentment does not signal the gift of celibacy, how then can I as a single person know which gift I possess? Apart from Paul's statement concerning lack of self-control (1 Cor. 7:9), the text seems to indicate that the gift equals one's current marital status. The immediate context supports this claim as Paul talks about various marital states and their temporality. In verses 17–24 Paul argues that one's social, racial, physical, and religious status are irrelevant. As David Garland writes, "Since all human categories have become null and void in Christ, any attempt to change one's status in order to enhance one's standing with God is to ascribe to it more importance than it merits." In other words, one's marital status directly falls under God's sovereignty and how the Lord has gifted a person. The true issue is not to determine one's gift but rather to faithfully serve God in whatever position He grants. While neither marriage nor singleness is permanent, we accept our present marital status as a God-given gift.
We often make God's simple truths too complex. For instance, I frequently discuss with college students the will of God concerning further studies, employment, and even marriage. Many students are afraid of making the wrong decision and missing God's will for their lives. While I appreciate their sensitivity to the Lord's leading, I don't think God's will resembles Sir Winston Churchill's description of the former Soviet Union — "a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma." God does not play hide-and-seek with His will, but rather He promises to reveal it (Ps. 32:8; 73:24; Prov. 3:5–6). A child of God who obeys the Word, establishes convictions born of prayer, listens to the counsel of mature believers, acts on what is known, and accepts what seems incomprehensible will have little problem discerning the will of God. The Lord has a purpose for each believer (Ps. 37:23; Eph. 2:10; Acts 13:2), and in fact, He desires that we carry out His will more than we do. Paul cautions the Corinthian believers not to become confused as they try to determine the Lord's will surrounding the "gift." The apostle indicates that one's current status is the divine plan.
This leads us to the second question raised by Paul's bold statement in verse 7. If I receive the gift of singleness, what is the return policy? Is it possible to do a gift exchange? While there are days when my independent spirit relishes flying solo, I would be lying if I didn't admit that deep down I long to have a wife and raise a family. At times, recognizing that my good and all-knowing heavenly Father has granted me this present state of singleness provides little comfort. Like the psalmist, I question how long the Lord will forget me (Ps. 13). Yet my response should be like the psalmist's in the latter part of that psalm: trust in God's goodness. In the next section of this chapter we will discuss the uniqueness of this gift, but we must note that the key to singleness (or marriage, for that matter) is obedience. In 1 Corinthians 7:19, the apostle writes, "What matters is the keeping of the commandments of God" (NASB).
While contentment doesn't determine one's marital status, satisfaction does bear on living the single life. Recently I read an article by a single adult who was upset about people telling her to be content. She thought this tells hurting singles not to hope or dream, "but to abandon the cry of their hearts." And yet, the word used by Paul for "satisfied," autarkhs, was "used to describe the person who through discipline had become independent of external circumstances and who had discovered personal resources that were more than adequate for any situation that might arise." The context of Philippians 4:11 centers on Paul's residing in Christ and the resulting joy. Paul's strength, hope, and joy were rooted in Christ — not in possessions or a romantic relationship. No wonder Paul could declare that he counted all things as loss for Christ (Phil. 3:7–8; Acts 20:24). True contentment — which is based in Christ — does tell singles to hope, dream, and enjoy life. True contentment soothes the soul, encourages perseverance, and affirms the certainty of the believer's future hope.
These words may call my sanity into question. To be thankful for and rest in a frequently painful state seems masochistic. And to resolve that my loneliness is God's gift rings of fatalism. Yet once again observe the life of Paul. Paul understood what it meant to follow Christ. His declaration "For to me, living is Christ" (Phil. 1:21) stems from a commitment to denying himself and taking up his cross. Philip Yancey, in his profound work Reaching for the Invisible God, writes:
In my own spiritual life, I am trying to remain open to new realities, not blaming God when my expectations go unmet but trusting him to lead me through failures toward renewal and growth. I am also seeking a trust that "the Father knows best" in how this world is run. Reflecting on Old Testament times, I see that the more overt way in which I may want God to act does not achieve the results I might expect. And when God sent his own Son — sinless, non-coercive, full of grace and healing — we killed him. God himself allows what he does not prefer, in order to achieve some greater goal.
Christianity presents itself as an ironic religion. We must give our lives away if we expect to gain them.
A response to the survey question "If you are content being single, why?" reads, "Being honest I go through waves of contentedness. I often feel very happy with my life as a single woman, but get stressed about it when I think about my waning fertility and growing older alone. But God sustains me. I am not ecstatic about being single, however, I can honestly say, 'God, thy will be done.'" If we live our lives fully to gratify ourselves, we will miss the blessings that come from God's gifts — yes, even from the gift of singleness.
The Uniqueness of the Gift
What blessings could possibly come from living solo? Why would Paul encourage believers to remain unmarried? After all, we just saw that both marriage and singleness are gifts from God. This question weighs heavily on single adults, given the ever-popular evangelical belief that one can best serve the Lord if one is married. In a similar vein, I often hear that one cannot serve as ____________ (pastor, teacher ... fill in the blank) unless one is married. I call these predominant beliefs the "Roman Catholic aversion." Ironically, in the Catholic Church I would be praised for my singleness, while in many Protestant circles I am restricted or disqualified. Surely Paul faced similar attitudes living in a culture that expected Jewish men to marry by age eighteen. While we could debate whether Paul was married at some point, the apostle has no problem recommending that people remain single. He writes in 1 Corinthians 7:32–35 (NASB):
But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.
Freedom from Anxiety
From this passage, we can observe two benefits of the gift of singleness. First, single adults are free from particular concerns that married people face. Before I go any further, I do want to be sensitive to the diversity of circumstances within singleness. Many of the freedoms we will address in this section may not hold true for every single (such as single parents). However, all singles are free from marriage — a relationship that entails submitting to one another and sacrificing time, energy, and resources. Paul delineates various roles for husbands and wives elsewhere in his writings (Eph. 5:22–33). Such requirements are irrelevant for single adults. I don't have to visit the in-laws, attend my spouse's company picnic, worry about forgetting my anniversary, justify my recent purchase, or seek permission to spend an evening with the guys. In a more serious vein, I have the freedom to go on a short-term mission trip, work a couple of evenings at the office, or enjoy a road trip without the concern of leaving a spouse at home.
We need to keep in mind, especially those of us who are single, that both singleness and marriage are gifts. Paul is not saying that if we marry we cannot please the Lord, but rather we will desire to please both the Lord and our spouse. Time, energy, attention, and responsibilities will compete.
To further stress the value of this freedom, Paul highlights the "present distress" of the Corinthian believers: "I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is" (1 Cor 7:26 NASB). While the believers may have been facing a specific event (such as a famine), the context of verses 29–31 indicates a more serious situation — the end times.
