CHAPTER 1
Definition of a Parent
According to Webster's Dictionary, a parent is one who begets or brings forth offspring, a father or a mother. That which produces, as a plant, also a cause; source.
On the other hand, parenting is providing for a child or children. When a man and women meet and decide to have children, it should be a matter decided together and involve planning for how the child or children will be cared for and nourished.
It's important that you have a suitable home and an idea of how many children you will have. Then there is the matter of having insurance to pay for the baby coming into your life. Also, it must be decided whether one of the parents will be able to stay at home with the baby. If a parent cannot be at home, you have to consider day care. From then on, you have the responsibility of caring for your children.
As I said, being a parent is a big responsibility. Planning is required. Otherwise, if you bring children into your life without being ready, they will feel the effect. They may feel rejected, unable to fit in with their peers. As parents, you will want to think about how it would feel if you started your family before one of you were ready; this might cause a problem in your marriage as well.
Praise Report
I was truly blessed with my children; I was able to stay at home with them until I unfortunately went through a divorce and found myself as a single parent. God was good to me. I gave my life to Christ and got involved in a good church, paying my tithes and offerings. God took over my life.
My children completed high school with good grades, and after high school, most continued through college with scholarships. The ones that didn't go to college went in the US Army for twenty-two years and seven years, respectively, and were able to get government jobs. These are examples of planning and taking care of your children. You may become a single parent one day. As I stated, I did, and the important thing I did was give my life to Christ. He will be your only way out.
It is also important that you talk to your children about God, tell them about and get them involved in Sunday school and church, and teach them to give their lives to God. Teach them to respect their elders as well. Teach them to have mentors, teacher, and so on, who will teach them the right way to go. Remember that it takes a village to raise a child, and if we plan for our children, we can handle virtually any situation that arises. Again, I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me (Philippians 4-13).
Also remember: If God be for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31). Then we have to call "Mr. Wisdom" in on the matter. Get wisdom, get understanding: forget it not; neither decline from the words of my mouth (Proverbs 4:5). Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all their getting, get understanding (Proverbs 4:7). Through wisdom is a child raised, and by understanding, he is made strong.
So we see how important it is to plan for a nice family so we can give them the necessary things they need in life to be successful. They will raise up and call you blessed because you have given them a good life.
We need to teach and show our children the way of Christ, teach them the word of God. Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths (Proverb 3:5-6).
I hope I have shared something in this chapter that will help you in parenting your child or children. God bless you.
CHAPTER 2
Raising Children
In raising children, it's not necessarily the things you say but also the way you say them that is important. You can drive your children into rebelling by not listening to them. Children need to be talked to and not talked at. As I stated in chapter I, children need to be loved, nourished, taught responsibly, encouraged, listened to, and taught that they should not be rewarded when they do something incorrectly. For example, when a child or children say something or act in a way that is not acceptable, don't laugh at them or think it's cute. Teach them the right way to do things. If you don't teach them, then they will never know.
Children should never hear that they are "mistakes." I'm referring to a man and women not planning for a child but finding out that they are going to be parents anyway. If a child hears that word, it will harm his spirit. Children do not need this. I must admit that this does not happen in every situation. Sometimes a man and woman make a good go of it and adjust to their mistake. God bless them but they still have to think about the baby. The child may still feel some rejection and frustration with his parents later. That's why planning is essential.
Praise Report
I was a single parent before I became a married parent. I was a young girl, raised by a very strict mom and dad. I had choices to make. I was a nice girl. I went to church every Sunday and got good grades in school; I also had chores to do around the house.
One night there was a basketball game at my school. My parents let me go with my cousin, and after the game, a young man asked to take me home. At first, I said no, but he insisted, and I fell for it. He didn't take me home; he took me away and raped me. I was scared to tell my parents. Then I found out I was pregnant, which brought on a lot of rejection and frustration, making it hard not only on my son I brought into the world but on me too.
After that, I went on with my life and started making good choices. I went to work and took care of my son, also helping my mother and father with my little sisters until years later, when I decided to marry and have more children. Children can be mistakes, but planning is important. God will see you through your choices you make—just think of the child.
In today's world, young parents and single parents are raising children. Unfortunately, they are not always teaching them the right way. In some cases, children are raising them, telling them how and when they want things done, telling them what they are to wear, and telling them where they want this or that.
Another Praise Report
Both Mom and Dad raised me. They stuck together, and what each one said, the other enforced. That's good, but the scripture training has to be forced. They didn't send us to church; they took us. Children need to go to church and Sunday school. As I have stated, God said, Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6). Parents, take your children to church and put Christ in their lives. Even if they make mistakes, they will come back.
I work with children every day, and some of them can sing songs with unclean words but can't even say their own names, learn their ABCs, and so on. That's why they need Christ. Give them Jesus and you can't go wrong. Jesus is the way. Only through diligence and consistency can your mind become what you create it to be.
CHAPTER 3
Making Children Responsible for Their Actions
Children need to learn that there are choices and accountability for everything they do. If you make a decision, good or bad, it should be your decision, and whatever choice you make, you have to be responsible for it.
To know wisdom and instruction; to perceive the words of understanding ... To give subtly to the simple, to the young man knowledge and discretion. A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; but fools despise wisdom and instruction. My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother; for they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck. (Proverbs 1:2, 4-5, 7-9)
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Withhold not correction from the child; for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. (Proverbs 23:13)
Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shall deliver his soul from hell. In raising children, we must look for and lean on God and others too. Therefore, it would be advisable to heed these words from the Bible:
Greatly rejoice; and he that begetteth a wise child shall have joy of him. Thy father and mother shall be glad, and she that bares thee shall rejoice. (Proverbs 23:24-25)
We also need to teach our children goals. A goal is the result or achievement toward which effort is directed; an aim; your end. Goals initiate new beginnings, and they will lead you to your ultimate end. Without realistic goals, you will never cross the finish line. You will find yourself in a place where you keep starting over and over again. Forget about the bad choices and start working toward the good choices. Focus yourself on where you want to go and what you want out of life. Giving up the wrong things and embracing the right choices will bring about mind-blowing results that will make you step back and look in the mirror and say, "Wow, I can't believe it's me."
Make a decision to become part of a winning team and a victorious you. If you decide it, believe it, and work hard at it, then you can have it. You can have anything in life you want if you only make right decisions and good choices. If by chance you do make the wrong choice, be responsible and willing to confess your faults and be responsible enough for your decisions to make them better. The great Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen." Everything in you and around you begins to work synergistically, and your child or children will learn this from observing your successes.
Praise Report
Before my husband died, we fostered a little boy, and my husband was wonderful with him. A child in the system (welfare), he had many problems. We worked hard with him and had the school work with him as well. Before he came to us, he was very disturbed. He would outwrestle the teachers, and it took about two teachers to hold him when he went into a rage. After my husband died, I tried to continue, but I was not able to adjust to the death of my husband and had to give the child back to the system, which I hated because I thought we were making progress. Thanks to God, who knew my situation and my heart, he was placed in a good home.
After getting my life back together, I received a call from my social worker who helped me with the little boy I had, asking if I thought I was ready for another child. I said yes. She came over with a little girl she'd had to remove from a home. Another child from that home came over with the little girl. When I saw her getting out of the car with the little girl, I knew right then that she was the daughter that I'd wanted. The social worker came in my home with this little sixteen-month-old girl, and it wasn't long after that that I told the social worker that I wanted to adopt the little girl and to start the paperwork immediately. I attained a lawyer, and we started the adoption. I had many obstacles with her family, who didn't want me to adopt her, but my lawyer and God started the work, and she was finally my daughter. I cared for her as if she were my own. My sons accepted her, and they had the sister they never had.
In her junior year of high school, she started looking around and asking questions, and she found out that she was adopted. That was hard for her. It should not have been, but there were many questions she couldn't answer and she did not come to me. She started skipping school, staying out all night, and getting into things she should not have. She dropped out of school, and I prayed for her.
I enrolled her in the Job Corps, and that's when I found out that she had gotten pregnant. I was understanding and tried to help her, but she had to accept the decision she had to make and be responsible and accountable for what she had gotten herself into. She did. She started going to night school and tried to work things out with her child after classes at night. She was still facing many decisions.
When she became pregnant again, she finally gave up and asked for help from her family. After all went through, she then met a nice man to help her with her children. Now they are happly married.
After they are responsible and accountable for their action, be sure to praise your children. It's not about cracking down on them all the time; they also need encouragement and praise. I have listed twenty-five things that you can say to praise your children:
1. You are my sunshine.
2. You mean so much to me.
3. What a trooper!
4. You're my best friend.
5. Way to go.
6. You are a great kid.
7. Fantastic job.
8. You are my angel.
9. What a great idea.
10. You have a great smile.
11. You're on your way.
12. Nothing can stop you now.
13. You deserve a great big hug.
14. You're making a great discovery.
15. A-OK!
16. You've got it now.
17. You're a star.
18. Great work.
19. You're wonderful.
20. You made my day.
21. You are a gem.
22. You deserve a kiss.
23. You are fabulous.
24. I adore you.
25. I love you!
If you use these praises or any of your own, your children will be stars.
CHAPTER 4
Raising Young Black Men
Raising my sons was a great challenge for me, especially since I found myself raising them alone. However, they were respectful, obedient, and helpful to me. I worked in different jobs to support my family. Upon divorcing their father, I was awarded the home where we were living. I had two sons from a previous marriage, and they were six and seven years old when I married. My husband was pleased to help me with them.
Unfortunately, I lost one of my sons when he was just twenty-two. The other went on to do well. After high school, he then went on to a successful twenty-one years in the US Army. Another son went in the army for seven years after finishing high school, and then he went on to be a successful law enforcement officer and then work with the US government. The other after grade school, high school and college two bachelor's degrees and master's degree and PHD, the other after grade school on the college then to a successful degree in music where he has been in the ministry of music, the chair director, and had success in recording two albums. One son completed high school and then started a successful landscaping business.
I owe all my success in raising my young men to my decision to make God the head of my life. I received God in my life when I heard him speak to me one morning while I was sitting in my chair in my living room. After a bad weekend with my husband, I heard God speak in my ear, saying, "You have tried everything else-now try me." That has been my life. I tried God, and he has never failed me yet. I love God with all my heart. He helped me raise my young men. I gave them back to him at early ages, and to this day, he has never failed them.
Because it should be the number one mandate in raising children to be men and woman, I must reiterate this Bible verse: Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6). Without God, children will not be successful. With God, they may go outside, but if they have the right training, they will not go far.
In raising my sons, there was homework and household chores. That's right. There's nothing wrong with having young men vacuum the floor, make their beds, clean the bathroom, take out the trash, and set the table. How else are they going to be successful husbands? As for homework, my sons were disciplined as far as their schoolwork. Each loved being head of his class, so he knew he had to do homework and study at night. It was no TV or going outside until their work was done. I didn't have to force them; they just did the work. Incidentally, they knew that I couldn't give them all the things they wanted, so in the summer, they had summer jobs, using the money for their personal incidentals.
