Solution to a Fatherless Nation
By Jerry L. Macon Jr.iUniverse, Inc.
Copyright © 2010 Pastor Jerry L. Macon, Jr.
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4502-1423-0 Contents
Chapter One Twisted and Abandoned...........................................1Chapter Two Breaking the Cycle..............................................7Chapter Three Fatherless Defined............................................11Chapter Four a father vs. THEE FATHER.......................................19Chapter Five Statistics.....................................................25Chapter Six The Three Types of Fatherless Children..........................35Chapter Seven Divine Intervention ... Biblical Examples.....................49
Chapter One
Twisted and Abandoned
"If my father hadn't died, none of this would have happened to me." These words were spoken as the now forty-six year old man was contemplating suicide. I've read about the steps to suicide, but no book, however, can remove the sting of hearing severe pain in action. As I continued to listen, it was obvious this man was at a crossroads and hopefully he'd respond to the words of the Lord.
Well at least he was talking to me and as long as he was talking, I knew there was hope for him. Even so, I knew he wanted to kill himself.
The stories of his childhood were horrific! He was a victim of several violations of trust. Most of us want to trust healthy and right standing parents, pastors, teachers, mentors, and other concerned adults. We want a model of the proper way to love and function in society.
However, this forty six year old man, let's call him John, spent most of his life growing up in an intimate and passionate relationship. Unfortunately this relationship was carefully orchestrated by his sexually molesting brother, whose idea of intimacy included fondling, kissing, touching, and other sensual intimacies, which included oral and anal sex. These acts were performed on John at his brother's leisure, whenever and wherever he chose. John's twisted brother would teach him how to perpetuate the same acts on others. This learned code of conduct and wicked type of behavior would dominant in John's life. He had been molested since age ten and it would continue throughout his teen years.
He was a victim of several violations of trust. Most of us want to trust healthy and right standing parents, pastors, teachers, mentors, and other concerned adults.
The times changed, the people changed and his brother eventually left home. However, the scars remained. I'm sure John had no intention on perpetrating the same acts on others, but he did, and he did it often.
John would grow up to obtain a college degree, successfully serve in the military and become one of the most effective counselors of youth in the area. He was well respected and thought he had earned a high level of trust with area youth and youth leaders. He also worked very effectively with families as a whole and community serving agencies. Yes, John had earned a certain level of trust. He was a high achiever, a go getter, a hard worker and goal oriented. His number one goal, however, was to satisfy the desires of his body and perpetrate that learned behavior of his youth on others.
Gaining trust was an excellent way to both get what he wanted and to let others experience what he had experienced. John was completely and utterly destroyed by a gross violation of trust, which created in his soul, a pain so deep and a mind so deviant from proper moral foundation, that now at age forty-six, he is seriously contemplating suicide. John had just molested yet another young boy left in his trust a few days earlier. He wanted that young man to be his last victim.
John said, "If my father hadn't died, none of this would have happened to me." As we continued to talk, John remembered his father's last word's before he died. His father said, "Let me go son." God is your father now; trust him." John was six years old when his father died.
He wanted to believe his father. Unfortunately, his life circumstances made it difficult to do. Not only has his father abandoned him by dying; he would also be sexually abused and exploited by his own brother.
As I continued to listen to John, it became apparent he hadn't forgiven his brother. It was his brother's fault that the "Monster" of molestation was raging in his soul, anticipating its next victim. The pleasure derived from accomplishing his desires was more important than moving toward "The God" that could heal him it seemed. On one hand John claimed a devotion and dedication to Jesus Christ, but on the other hand, he allowed the "Monster" to rage.
Well John has had the gun to his head for several minutes now. He is waiting for God to save him. Twice before, God had delivered him from suicide attempts. He was expecting God to deliver him again. Maybe the gun would jam or something. If God wanted him to live, John thought, surely he would have the gun malfunction.
After several hours on the phone and several hours of driving, he prays yet another forgiveness prayer and then hangs up. In the meantime, I'm hoping that he will not do it.
Fifteen hours later and I just found out that John killed himself. Was I the last person he talked too? Our last words were somewhere around five a.m.
During that last time he called; I heard a click, as if he wanted to do it while he was on the phone with me. I never heard the bang and I was uncomfortable the rest of the day. The hope I had for John's survival had rightly started to fade. Somehow I knew that he pulled the trigger.
Now our first conversation was after 10:00pm, while he was still alive. My wife passed me the phone, knowing his intention and hoped I could talk her uncle out of it. I knew God was giving him a chance to repent. We would talk several hours, in which he did the majority of the talking. He'd hang up and call a few minutes later. This pattern would go on until nearly five in the morning.
As he would talk to me about the horrific events of his life and how the "Monster" that is child molestation came to be a part of him. I realized that he made a choice to deliver himself; and he did. Unfortunately his deliverance did not come by the hand of Jesus Christ, but his own. I could empathize, however, why that could be so difficult. How awful it must be to have someone you trust and should be able to love purely, hurt you so badly and so deeply.
Before he passed away, I had given him many testimonies of people who had overcome all types of abuse and molestation. The ultimate example of this is Oprah Winfrey. She went on to become a billionaire. Although Oprah was abused; she didn't abuse back. Her life circumstances were very difficult, but she never stopped trying to become. She never stopped trying to become the best she could be.
Accountability
In addition to the testimonies about survivors of abuse; I mentioned the story of Achilles heel. Achilles was and unbeatable and "nearly" perfect warrior. His body was submerged totally in a protective solution, except for the heel of his foot. The only place he could be attacked and defeated by an enemy, was through that unprotected heel.
Anyway, I told John my left heel had been hurting for several months. It had been a minor irritant but frustrated me from time to time. Although I am in my forties, I'd like to think I'm in pretty good shape. My heel was concerning me though.
Why hasn't the pain gone away after all this time? There was nothing structurally wrong with my heel, but whenever my wife attempted to massage it; intense pain would follow. The pain was still manageable though and I grew to like it. If my wife massaged my heel just right, the pain was worth the pleasure.
I am now submitted to a doctor and I am being accountable to him. I don't want this heel to be the "undoing" of my total health. To not pay attention to an area of my body that is calling for care is neglect. I am asking for trouble.
By submitting to a "qualified" person(s), I am guaranteed to defeat my enemies. John could understand that a weak area must be guarded and protected, in order to "continue" in victory over an enemy. He refused, however, to be held accountable by someone. He was a lone ranger.
Unfortunately, John was also was without an accountability partner to help strengthen him through the Word of God.
John needed a church home where the leaders taught and lived the Word of God. He refused to commit to churches because of their "hypocrisy." He saw how young children would be judged by their appearance, behavior etc. and he didn't want people judging him. He rarely witnessed these rejected children or himself for that matter, truly be accepted. This is the way John "felt" about it. To hell with the hypocrites of the church John would say.
Unfortunately, John was also without an accountability partner to help strengthen him through the Word of God. John had no one to answer to. I'm not sure that he wanted anyone to answer to. He had knowledge of some bible passages but he used those scriptures to point out what was wrong with the church, but not with himself.
As for me Lord Jesus, let this be my prayer. "Forgive me of my sins. Guard my heart and protect me on every side. I can do "All" things through Christ that strengthens me. Jesus, keep me from evil. Thanks for giving me a heart to have your creations best interest at heart. Let your will be done. Amen.
John traced all his problems to the absence of his father and that's unfortunate. Growing up fatherless is a clear and serious disadvantage, but it is to be overcome. One of the first things we must do regarding a "problem area" in our life is to first admit the problem and how it has affected us. Secondly, we must go through the process of healing to resolve the problem. Just getting an understanding is half the battle. This book is to assist in that understanding.
Fatherless defined
The Strong's Concordance (1995) defines fatherless #369 ... As if from a primitive root meaning to be nothing or not exist; "faileth," "fatherless, "incurable," "infinite," "innumerable, "neither," "never," "no," "none," "not," "nothing," "nought," and "without." 1 nothing, not nought n. 1A nothing, nought neg. 1B not. 1C to have not (of possession) adv. 1D without w/prep. 1E for lack of being without a Godly example for a father can destroy you. This is what Satan wants. The word destroy also means disable. You may exist in this world, but a disability can stop you from becoming all you should be. Some disabilities attempt to reduce you to nothing.
To be nothing or not exist: "faileth." When reviewing the definition for fatherless, I can't help but to think of many words to describe a father. One of the words that comes to mind is advocate. An advocate is a representative that is much like a lawyer. His or her knowledge of rules, regulations, code of conduct etc. serves as a guide to bring the expected result for his client(s).
The bible is very clear on who should be advocated for.
James 1:27
(KJV) Pure Religion and undefiled before our God and Father is this, to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.
(Good News) What God the Father considers to be pure and genuine religion is this: to take care of orphans and widows in their suffering.
As we move through the chapters of this book, I hope to make clear the necessity of both parents being active in the lives of their children. Moving forward, I realize people can choose to do whatever they like. Children have no control over the behavior of their parents. I do, however, want to encourage children to break free of what Satan intends, and for adults to also break free of what Satan intends. He intends to destroy you and disable you and make you of no influence or positive affect in the kingdom of God. John 10:10 states that the thief cometh but to steal, kill and destroy but I come so that you may have life ...
So where do we go from here? How can the curse of fatherlessness be broken? What role does the Father of fathers play and how does he change our lives from a path of destruction to a path of construction in our Father God?
Chapter Two
Breaking the Cycle Jeremiah 31:29
(KJV) In those days they shall say no more, The fathers have eaten a sour grape and the children's teeth are set on edge. But every one shall die for his own iniquity: every man that eateth the sour grape, his teeth shall be set on edge.
(Message) When that time comes you won't hear the old proverb anymore, Parents ate the green apples, their children got the stomachache. "No, each person will pay for his own sin. You eat green apples, you're the one who gets sick.
(Good News) When that time comes, people will no longer say, "The parents ate the sour grapes, But the children got the sour taste. Instead, all those who eat sour grapes will have their own teeth set on edge: and they will all die because of their own sin."
If you are reading this book, and your biological mother and father have a less than desirable background and their "issues" have affected you at least on an emotional level, then I want you to really absorb this chapter. Their sins or shall we say "issues" may have taught you wicked ways that you had or still participate in. Some of you may have even done some things so profound, that society would love to lock you up and throw away the key. Now as you reflect about your parent(s) even if you never grew up around them, it is possible that you may have some of their "tendencies."
Here is an example of what I am talking about. I know a young man whose father died when he was seven. Although his father loved him deeply and he was very close to his father, he ended up losing him by way of the "street life." This young man would grow into a fine citizen, but would have a very sizeable issue. He was addicted to having multiple sex partners and only wanted women in his life who would not confront or challenge him. Needless to say, he hurt many women despite the pleasure derived from his sexual exploits. To him, the proof of manhood was how many women he could pleasure. He particularly liked the thrill of seeing their "panties" come off for the first time. He loved conquering focused and determined women. He would become whatever he needed to be, to have sex with them. He would figure out their hearts desire and then exploit them, claiming to be ignorant of his actions. It was always "her" fault. While his father lived, he treated women in much the same way. Although his father had an excellent wife at home, he just had to participate in the "thrill" of the chase.
He was addicted to multiple sex partners and only wanted women in his life who would not confront or challenge him.
Now today because of this man excepting Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior and admitting where he was mentally and emotionally; He has started to function as the man of God he was called to be. This young man acted out his "tendencies." The bible says that we no longer have to be affected by the sins (wicked ways) of our parents. The one who behaved or behaves wickedly will be punished for what he/she does or has done. So no matter how many "corruptible" acts your parents may have engaged in, you do not have to be like them. Honor your parents? (Yes). Repeat their sins? (No). You are responsible for your own actions. The word of God is designed for you to break the cycle, break the curse and start a new family tradition. Having a family the way God intended, brings honor to his holy and righteous name.
Be a pioneer, be first, go where your parents or other family members have not gone before. Break the cycle of abuse, break the cycle of poverty, lust, thievery, anger, bitterness, jealousy, strife, incest, rape or whatever your parent(s) "issues" may have been. God is with you.
Isaiah 54:17 says, "No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper and every lying and accusing tongue that rises up against you shall be destroyed." This means that whenever people try to use your parents past or even your own against you, there will be consequences. When you fall in love with Jesus Christ, and commit yourself unto his ways, this is one of the promises you receive in this win/win relationship.
As you become more and more like Christ; please never give up. Despite the pain change may cause; It's good for you and the suffering of this present time is not worth being compared to the glory God shall reveal through you. Bring glory to God. Let your life and your recovery keep others from going to hell. They will see your life and it's many positive changes and they will want to know "Your" God, Your Father and accept his Son Jesus Christ before it is everlasting to late.
Remember, change is a process. Some sins or actions will be dropped immediately as a sign of your son/daughter ship. Other sins will drop off over the course of time. The more you are into God, the quicker you will become like him. What is Pure and Real Love? The Love of God.
Put God first, get heavy into his word, have a good solid church home, submit to the leadership "God" has put you under. Pray, fast and most certainly demonstrate the Love of God through obeying his word.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Solution to a Fatherless Nationby Jerry L. Macon Jr. Copyright © 2010 by Pastor Jerry L. Macon, Jr.. Excerpted by permission.
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