CHAPTER 1
A Wandering Soul Gets a Big Whoosh
Living in Rome as a young girl, I was surrounded by historical treasures, beautiful scenery, and deep faith, but within my own family I didn't feel that beauty and peace. Instead there was a hopelessness that seemed to permeate our home and I felt it from my earliest awareness.
Even before I started school, I understood that our family was different and my mother was living in a perpetual state of sadness and grief. Shortly after my birth, which was in Spain, my father died leaving my mother to raise us three small girls all by herself. She couldn't understand why her God had abandoned her by taking her husband far too soon.
My mother was not from Spain so there was nothing but tragic memories there for her. She was in fact an intrepid American living abroad, so she decided to relocate our little family to her favorite city in all the world: Rome, Italy. As a young widow with three babies in tow, this was a pretty gutsy move, but then again, she was a very special woman. She chose to raise us in the Roman Catholic Church (even though her own faith was shaken) for us to be exposed to faith. But no matter what she did, she could not shake off her loneliness and despair. It was while she was in Italy that she started to wrestle with a few personal demons, namely depression and alcoholism, which persisted for most of her life.
When the beauty and tranquility of Rome could not save her, she gave up on Italy and decided to return home to America with us, while she searched for herself and a way to regain her health and strength. I had just become a teenager so this was a massive adventure for me. My stomach was in knots as the plane touched down on American soil. And where did we take up residence you may ask? Under the bright lights of New York? Enjoying the majesty of the Rocky Mountains? No. We went to the place my grandmother resided, my mother's hometown of Scranton, Pennsylvania.
Open to the Possibilities
Talk about culture shock. The Colosseum in Rome one day, and coal mines the next. I was bewildered and excited with all the new experiences, but I did know one thing for certain: I had to be strong for my mother and be a good girl. So I assimilated and studied and tried to make friends. I was the model of a responsible daughter. But deep inside, I was still seeking my own place in the world, my own purpose which I knew had to be more than mastering mathematics, making meals, and saying my prayers.
I distinctly remember both the wonderment and the challenges of adjusting to our new lives. It was the same time that my own spiritual awakening was happening. I've been on a spiritual journey of my own since turning 13, open to the many possibilities the world had to offer.
I used to think that "big awakenings" would strike someone like a bolt of lightning, but for me, my perspective opened up quite organically. Even as a teenager, I would ask the big questions like, "What is my mission?" and, "There has to be a purpose to all this." And I followed my mother's path, gradually turning away from the strict dogma of the Catholic religion, as I began searching for my own answers.
On that path, however, I still accepted that life was about being good and doing good. Deep in my bones, I knew I would find a way to improve the human condition and make the world a better place. I've just kind of always known that, but who could have foreseen it would take another 40 years to really discover how to do it? But when I did, it was not long before I started to vibrate at a whole new level and I felt myself and my whole world transform. This book is about that energy shift and how simple --- yet mind-blowing --- it can be.
Along the way, like many of you perhaps, I found the most incredible books in the process. Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch was a life-changer for me because it gave me a bigger picture than I could have possibly imagined. And books like A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle stirred something deep inside and I kept seeking with a renewed hunger for my own transformational moment.
Growing Up in a Hurry
I never lost the wandering soul that I inherited from my mother. I kept searching most of my adult life, until a few years ago. And on that path, I encountered my own share of life's challenges, as we all have. Later in my life, when I worked in corporate, I came to call these challenges AFGEs (pronounced af-ghee – which is an acronym that stands for Another Freaking Growth Experience). It's when something messes up royally in your work or in your life, and you try to find a silver lining or some bigger meaning for it.
Feel free to use this term – we all have AFGEs! My first big AFGE came when I was really young and I suddenly realized that I had to grow up in a hurry. One day I was a carefree young school girl playing with friends, exploring the sandy beaches near our home in Ostia, outside of Rome, Italy. The next thing I knew, I woke up at age 13, living in a completely new country and culture, and having to care not only for myself but also the house and my mother. So many days, my mother was in such pain due to depression that she could not make meals, tidy up, or care for our needs.
Not surprisingly, this became a pattern in my life: always being the good girl, the caretaker, not rocking the boat. But in my heart I knew I was destined for something more. I just needed to be patient and my "aha" moment would miraculously appear.
So it did. It appeared, and yes, it was when I least expected it and in the last place I might have thought to look. In fact, it had to hit me twice before I really noticed it, before I realized that this might be "the thing" that I'd been waiting for.
But now for the bad news. Like so many transformational moments here on earth, mine was preceded by a colossal amount of personal and professional chaos (yes, a whole pile of AFGEs) happening in what was otherwise a pretty organized and predictable adult life up to that point. If you are currently in chaos, where you have keep dodging more crap or another "growth experience," then take heart. I suspect that you're likely just in the eye of the storm yourself, like I was, and when it clears, you too will be at peace, and moving forward with a vastly improved outlook. What a great system, right?
Facing Storms at Work
So yes, let me tell you about the storm before the calm. Here's what was going on. I'll just relate the highlights, and then we can get on to the solution.
A few years before my "aha" moment, I was just coming out of a severe situation, where I had been working for a new company, doing high level sales for them and with great success, when suddenly they refused to pay my commissions. I was by myself at that time, not in a relationship so I had no one for moral or financial support. But it was a lot of money I was owed and I really needed it to live. I felt strongly that I should stand up for myself and even sue the company, if necessary.
In reality, it was a David and Goliath kind of experience because the company had deep pockets and the "Executives" were determined not to give me what I had earned. I later discovered that the practice of non-payment was quite common in this company. At the point that one account grew very large, it would arbitrarily be designated as a house-account and the salesperson would be cut off from getting any further commissions.
But at the time, I thought I was the only person in this situation. "Wow. How could this possibly be happening?" I thought. Since I was typically positive in my daily outlook, this blow made me feel depressed and burnt out. For the first time in my life, I got to experience what my mother had struggled with for all those years, and it made me much more sympathetic for what she had been through.
My business associates and friends from other companies told me, "Elena, stuff like this happens all the time in sales. Companies refuse to pay salespeople. You just have to move on." Even my own brother-in-law, whose opinion I respect, gave me that very same advice. Yet, at the end of the day, I just couldn't let it go. A little voice in me said, "Yes, perhaps this happens all the time, but I need to stand up for myself, win, lose or draw!" It wasn't so much that I was going up against the big guys just for myself, but I felt I needed to stand up for others, helping other employees so this wouldn't happen to anyone else.
It was my decision. I stayed strong, hired a lawyer, sued the company, and sweated it out. Come what may, this was something I just felt compelled to do. It was a nasty fight at times and there were more cloudy days than sunshine during that period. Long story short, by the time a settlement was reached and the lawyers got their cut, it was not a financial windfall. But importantly to me, it was a moral victory and a pivotal moment in my life. I may have been alone but I was not going to be a victim ever again.
Was the Chaos Finally Over?
I wish I could say life settled down and got back to normal, but it didn't. I felt vindicated and found a new job, but just as I got established again, I found myself in the middle of another dark period. I was facing the eminent death of a man I had come to care for. I remember helping him during the middle of that illness, when a first quiet whoosh came over me, a surge of energy that f lowed over me and through me with such a reassuring warmth. Within that emotion, I could feel an idea whispering to me: a thank you a day.
But when that first whoosh happened, I didn't act on it because my life was back to chaos and upheaval again. My long-awaited "aha" moment would have to wait just a little longer while I struggled just to get from one day to the next, moment by moment, breath by breath.
The man I had been dating, himself a gifted healer, ironically enough, was dying of cancer. I did what I could for him, dealing with the anger and the pain, the messy bits muddled in amongst the more mundane days, and I listened to him negotiate with God for a reprieve. But it was not to be. I kept a vigil right through to his final acceptance that death was here and it was time to go. It was an honor to have been chosen to help him transition to death, but after months of supporting him through his marathon, I was exhausted in all possible ways: mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Yes, another AFGE. And this one was big.
That was 2013. Afterward, I packed up his life, made all the arrangements, did what needed to be done, ever the dutiful servant. Looking back now, it's a bit of a blur really, and I didn't even remember that first whoosh until it hit again in 2014. The second time it was louder and much more insistent. The vision clearly was: "send a thank you a day."
So the Universe wanted me to write and send a thank you note every day? It sounded a bit odd, but the feeling kept bubbling up inside me, and I started doing it. I told myself, "Let me get some thank you notes. I'll start writing them and see what happens." And so the journey began. I had no idea where it would take me but felt an urgency to embark on it, nonetheless.
Welcoming Goodness and Light
After maybe just a week or two, I started seeing pleasant serendipities, small things at first. I would be driving and notice the traffic in my direction was smooth sailing while the other side of the highway was bumper-to-bumper. I said, "Thank goodness I'm on this side." The next day, I would find just the perfect parking spot in front of the place I needed to be, just in the nick of time. The day after, a dear old friend would call me just when I was thinking that I would like to reconnect with her but I had lost her number.
When I thought about the timing and began seeing a pattern, I began to question, "Could it be my daily written notes of gratitude were actually the catalyst for so many nice things happening with such consistency?" So I said to myself, I should begin to take note and see if it does happen every single day. And yes, it was occurring every single day. I thought, I have to really start recording these wonderful serendipities at the end of each day, so I don't forget them, and I did that too. It took only a few minutes a day but it was transforming me and everything around me.
This whole practice was just giving me such a boost that I couldn't imagine my day without it. My mental health and physical body felt wonderful and balanced. I hardly ever got a cold. Work seemed surprisingly effortless and there were always daily surprises that made me giggle, I felt like the carefree young girl I was so many years ago growing up in Rome.
Within a few months of sending a written thank you note each day, my energy level was so much better. I started to vibrate with the knowledge that the positive results were consistent, and more often than not, I was experiencing things that were nothing short of miraculous on a daily basis. That's when I knew that I was onto something and it was something big.
A Movement for the Masses
What an exciting thought --- If I could do this, surely anyone could? It's so simple and I can describe how it works, explain the power of the practice, while giving examples and inspirational stories to keep each new person motivated. The more I thought about it, I realized, this is what I have been called to do. Spread thanks. Determined to keep up with my daily practice, which was now entering its second year, I made a promise to myself. I'm going to write all this down and share it with the world. I'll reach people who are exhausted, discouraged with life, beaten down and depressed, and asking themselves, "Is this all there is?"
Because now I know with certainty that there is so much more to the world than what we see. We can impact our internal energy and our external circumstances with gratitude. I can prove it. I have proven it and as more people try it and feel its power, I can see the world transforming exponentially.
Imagine the emotional whoosh to the person who gets one of your daily thank you notes? Completely out of the blue, they feel a tangible pat on the back for something nice they did, and it boosts their self-esteem and energy. They pay it forward, responding with kindness to their circle of influence, and before long, we've got so much more than merely mail --- we've got masses of people creating daily miracles for themselves and others.
Starting Out with Simplicity in Mind
So in the beginning, I made it a habit to write my notes in the morning before starting my day. The first couple of notes were really fun to write. I could easily think of someone to thank, such as a friend who helped me out with something, and I found myself putting pen to paper with great enthusiasm. I hadn't told anyone about my new experiment and I was eager to hear my friend's reactions (if any) to receiving an unexpected handwritten thank you note in the mail. Looking back now, I call this my honeymoon period, since it was so full of joy and excitement.
However, within a week or two, I ran out of obvious friends to thank and I hit a dry period. I would sit at the table and, for the first time in my life, I could not remember a single person who made my life easier the day before, no one to be the recipient of my daily thank you note. Crap! I needed to rethink this and get better at noticing what was going on around me. Surely someone must have been nice to me yesterday, right? I didn't want this whole "thank you note a day" idea to become any kind of chore so I resolved to pay more attention in the future.
Sure enough, once I starting staying more focused, even while doing mundane daily activities, I found all sorts of kindnesses going on. Even when I would be filling my car with gas, checking into a hotel, meeting new clients, or shopping for groceries, I found myself noticing that there were little helpers along the way. They made me smile or showed special care that they didn't have to do. I made it a game to find the "recipient" of my next thank you note and it became fun again. My mood was lifted and I was more determined than ever to keep on going with my "thank you note a day" and see if I could truly change the world.
Now it is your turn to join in and I hope you will. Collectively, we have tremendous power. As I walk you through the stories of transformation and wonder in my own gratitude journey, I urge you to start your own practice, to sit and write a simple thank you note a day. In each chapter, I'll offer a few tips and techniques to keep you moving forward, overcome hurdles and keep you smiling, plus I'm happy to end each chapter with a sample thank you note so you can see how easy this really is to do. Have you got your pen ready? OK. Let's go.
How to Spread Thanks: Time to Get Started
The first bit of advice I love to share is not to be critical of yourself in any way. Nothing has to be perfect with your notes, you just have to do one a day. Sit down with your pen, write a little card or note, and send it to someone in thanks. Anyone can do that.
