Channelle Lewis's life has never been a fairy tale. From early childhood, she has had to struggle just to survive. Despite the obstacles that her childhood produced, she was determined to make something out of her life. But achieving success hasn't come easy for her. After suffering years of sexual abuse as a child, she later became a victim of domestic violence. She spent years struggling to break completely free from her abuser and open her eyes regarding her abusive relationship with him. For most, the barriers that Channelle faced in her life would be enough to make them give up and not fi ght back for a better life. But, despite her life challenges, she has gone on not only to survive, but also to excel in her life. This story is not just a great read, but also a dramatic yet intimate look into the life of a woman with a troubled past who encountered almost insurmountable odds. It's a story that will inspire, empower, and motivate you to live your life to its fullest no matter what the obstacles are!

I Survived! You Can Too!

Overcoming Obstacles in Your LifeBy Channelle Lewis

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2009 Channelle Lewis
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4401-9276-0

Contents

Chapter 1. Daunting Beginnings.....................................1Chapter 2. Life's Challenges.......................................5Chapter 3. School Aged Now: Misunderstood..........................11Chapter 4. Family Matters..........................................15Chapter 5. What Else Could Go Wrong?...............................23Chapter 6. Broken Childhood........................................27Chapter 7. Endurance...............................................34Chapter 8. Back Home...............................................42Chapter 9. Almost Snapped..........................................47Chapter 10. Foster Care Again.......................................51Chapter 11. Forgiveness.............................................64Chapter 12. From Placement To Placement.............................67Chapter 13. Good Foster Parent; Bad Environment.....................75Chapter 14. Moving Again............................................77Chapter 15. On My Own...............................................85Chapter 16. Forever Changed.........................................89Chapter 17. Precious Loss...........................................95Chapter 18. Moving On...............................................99Chapter 19. Homeless................................................103Chapter 20. On Track with a Curve...................................107Chapter 21. Red Flags...............................................112Chapter 22. I'm A Mom Now...........................................118Chapter 23. Blinded By Love.........................................123Chapter 24. College Graduate Holding On.............................133Chapter 25. More Excuses............................................142Chapter 26. Finally, I Woke Up......................................148Chapter 27. New Beginnings..........................................159Epilogue............................................................163About the Author....................................................169Recognition.........................................................171A Special Dedication................................................173

Chapter One

Daunting Beginnings

My first childhood memory was when I was about three-years-old. We lived on the Campus of the University of Illinois, in a family housing complex called Orchard Downs. I was awaken by the sound of my bowling pins (I had a toy bowling set that I loved to play with, which was kept on top of the dryer), falling to the floor.

As I got out of bed, I saw my father choking my mother. I stood there as mother was crying and choking, trying to breath, watching my father do this to her. At the moment that my father noticed me standing there, he stopped choking my mother. She then ran out of the room. I remember that we lived on the third floor of the apartment complex. My mother looked so scared of my father.

The next thing that I saw was my mother opening the balcony glass sliding door and then she was gone. What I didn't realize, was that she had jumped off the third floor balcony because she was in fear of her life.

At the time, I didn't understand what I had just witnessed. Within the next two years of my life, I would come to understand that what I witnessed between my mother and father would not compare to other experiences that my young life would endure.

My parents were married in 1971. My father was in the Army at the time and my mother was madly in love with him. Together they had two children. My sister, Latricia Michelle (she goes by Michelle), was born one year after my parents were married.

At the time of Michelle's birth, my parents lived on the Marine Corps Base at Camp Lejeune, North Carolina. Before my birth, my parents would move back to Champaign, Illinois where they are both from. This is where my life would begin.

On February 2, 1974, I was born into this world. I was the second and last child born to my parents. I was always reminded that I was supposed to be the child who "saved the marriage." This didn't work. I learned over the years that, from the beginning of my parent's relationship, my father was a very abusive man to my mom. On top of this, he was a very unfaithful man too. It would take me years of growing up to understand just why my mother stayed with him.

Within a couple of years after I was born, between getting beat up and watching the man that you love not only sleep with other women but also get them pregnant, my mother finally had enough and filed for a divorce from my father. Once the divorce was final, years would past before I was old enough to understand that my mother was never really over him.

My Family

Whenever I talk about my family, I am referencing the maternal-side of my family. I was only raised around my mother's family and they are all that I know. My grandmother, Maline Robinson, (who everyone called "Big Mama") had four biological children; three daughters and one son. She also raised her two step-sons.

My grandfather died when I was four-years old and I have no memory of him at all.

My mother was the youngest of all of the children and she was also a "change of life baby." My grandmother was thirty-nine-years-old when my mother was born. From what I have been told, my mother always got her way. This would become a problem for my mother later on in life.

Growing up, I was really close to my aunt Geneva. She was oldest out of all my aunts and uncles. She was also a piece-maker in the family.

In our family, there was also an older adult cousin named Charles. He was my mother's first cousin and a good twenty years older than her. He is also the person who started the almost 'fatal destruction' of my life.

Childhood Memories

When I was around four-years-old, my mother started "going out" a lot. Every Friday and Saturday night, my mother would go out to have fun. Since she had married young, I guess she never really had time to have adult fun. Looking back, I believe that this was also her "let out" trying to get my father "out of her system."

Michelle and I spent a lot of time at Big Mama's house, which was ok because we loved Big Mama. She was always trying to teach us new things like how to make different things. My mom would usually pick me and Michelle up late in the night to go home.

I remember one night, my mom picking us up from Big Mama's house when she lived in Burch Village and me, my mom and Michelle arriving home. At the time, we lived in Garden Hills on Hedge Road. (I bring this up as a reminder that even as a four-year-old child, I remember everything and children need to be protected from violence).

After we arrived home in the wee hours of the morning, in our dark bedroom, Michelle noticed that our box with our stuff animals in it had been opened. Within seconds of seeing this, my mother ran into our room, grabbed me and Michelle and ran outside with us.

After this happened, as we sat in a cold car, I saw the police come to the house and then saw my father led out of the house. Apparently, he had seen my mother out at a bar and got very jealous and broke into our home to hurt her. This would be the last time for a while that I would see my father. This episode didn't however stop my mother from going out on Friday and Saturday nights though.

Chapter Two

Life's Challenges

By the time that I was four-and-a-half-years-old, in my opinion, my mom had become a "functioning alcoholic." During the week, she would go to work faithfully every day, but on the weekends, she would go out to party and get drunk. Michelle and I grew accustom to going to Big Mama's house on Friday's and staying until Sunday evening.

By this time, my mother had also started hanging out with Charles, who as I stated before, was my mother's first cousin. He was older then my mother and they acted like brother and sister. Charles would sometimes come over to our house too. We were use to my mom being around Charles and going out together.

Weekends with Big Mama

On Friday afternoons, once my mother would get home from work, she would make sure that we ate dinner and then off to Big Mama's house we would go. Me and Michelle would always bring our "glimmer girls" (glimmer girls were little mini Barbie dolls), so that we would have something to play with since Big Mama didn't have any toys or anything in her house for kids to play with.

Aside from trying to show us how to knit and things like that, it was kind of boring at Big Mama's house. And to top it off, Big Mama had moved to an apartment complex for elderly people. We couldn't run inside, there was no playground, nothing but a bunch of old people who didn't want any kids around.

Big Mama had one of those real record players. It was as long as a bed. It had the turntable on the top and an opening under it and then the speakers were also built in it. We use to open the bottom and pretend that it was the house where our glimmer girls lived.

Sometimes, our cousin's Delores and Anthony would be over Big Mama's apartment on the weekends too. On Sunday's, we would always wake up to the smell of burned bacon. Big Mama would always burn the first batch of bacon. After breakfast, we would all load into Big Mama's blue Pontiac to go to church. Big Mama attended Freewill Baptist Church every Sunday no matter what.

On the way to church, Big Mama would always stop to pick up the Dorsey family whose house was really out of the way. No offence, but the Dorsey's would smell bad every week. As soon as they would get in the car, the whole car would smell like fish.

Big Mama would always tell us that it wasn't nice to talk about people. When we would ask "why do we have to pick up these people for church", Big Mama would always reply that "you must treat your neighbor like you would want your neighbor to treat you."

At the time, I didn't understand this but as I grew older, I realized that this passage would one day save me. Big Mama was always saying things that looking back on, really had a hidden message in them. I guess this is why everyone loved and respected Big Mama. I know I sure did.

Witnessed It

As my mom continued going out and become more dependent on alcohol, her supervision of me began to lack. One day, at the young age of five, while we were all over Charles and his wife's house, me being the bored child that I was, opened the garage door while looking for something to play with and saw Charles doing something to Kay. Kay was his granddaughter. Kay was about two years older than me.

At the time, I didn't know what he was doing. But it was something that I had never seen before. I saw this long thing between his legs and Kay had her hands on it. I didn't know what it was but I knew that I didn't have one between my legs so I thought that he was special.

At the same time, Charles had his hand between Kay's legs. I thought that it was some kind of game or something. Once Charles saw me standing in the doorway, he pulled his pants up and stated that I wasn't special enough to be in the garage with them. I didn't realize it then, but he was setting me up for years of sexual abuse.

My Innocence Lost

Charles and my mom hung out a lot. They both loved to drink and would go out drinking together each and every weekend. He was her older cousin who wasn't going to let anyone mess with her. Being that she had this crazy ex-husband, this worked out for my mom. Not only was Charles family, but he was a really good friend to my mom and she trusted him.

My whole family liked him and on the surface, I guess he seemed like a nice family man. But he wasn't. I can still remember the first time that Charles violated me.

We were in the living room and my mother was in the dining room on the phone. Michelle was in my mom's room watching TV where I was supposed to be. But once again, I was bored. Charles had been drinking with my mom and gave me what I would learn to be, his sign that he wanted me. He blinked his eye at me and told me to come here. I then went over to him. He asked me if I wanted to be special like Kay, and I said yes.

I was very excited because unless I was getting trouble, no one ever paid any attention to me. Charles then told me that he wasn't sure if I was special enough to play his "special game." I then started begging him to please play with me. I really wanted to play. After all, I wanted to be special too.

The next thing I knew, his finger inside of me and it hurt! As I probably looked like I wanted to cry, Charles then told me that he knew that I wasn't special enough to play his "special game." Fighting back tears, I told him that I was ready and that I really wanted to play. And as much as it was hurting, I was determined to keep playing. After all, I wanted to be special.

As I stood in front of him with his hand in my panties, his finger inside my vagina, the lower part of my body aching with pain, I tried closing my legs several times as to try to ease the pain. Each time I tried closing my legs, his finger would penetrate deeper and deeper in my vagina. This continued until my legs clasped and I fell to the floor.

While all of this was going on, my mom was no more than 10 feet away still on the phone. As Charles removed his finger and picked me up from the floor, he then stated that I wasn't very good playing his "special game." He made it sound like it was an honor to play with him.

After all, I wasn't getting any attention from anyone else in my life. I didn't know what had just happened to me. All that I knew was that Charles said that I was special and I really wanted to be special.

Over time, I came to know his "game signal." He would wink one of his eyes as if he was sending me a code. Once I noticed this "special signal", it was time for our game. Although his game hurt very bad, at the same time it felt really good to know that I was special.

It didn't take long for his "game" to change though. It went from Charles putting his finger inside of me, moving up to me being able to play with his penis which he called "his really special wang". He would have me to hold it, move the skin up and down until the "prize came out." Several times, Charles would say that since I have been so good, I was special enough to get the really special prize.

This was him trying to put his "wang" inside of me. Each time he would try, it would hurt too bad and then Charles would tell me that he was wrong and that I was not ready for the special prize yet. I would then get upset and he would promise me that I could get the special prize real soon.

It wasn't until after I was standing on a bar stool, you know the old ones that had the wooden backs that use to turn around. Well one day, I was standing on the bar stool looking in my mother's closet for something when the stool moved and I fell. I landed on the back of the stool with the wooden back between my legs. It hurt so badly!

I then started bleeding from between my legs. As I was screaming, my mom ran into the room. Blood was everywhere. My mom then placed me into a tub of water where I had to sit until bleeding stopped. I was so sore for about a week. Charles being family, and my mom's really good friend knew about this and didn't give me the signal for a while after my accident happened. However the next time we played the game after the fall, the game had changed.

Because I was so brave after being injured, Charles told me that I had moved up to the "extra special part" of the game. From this time on, when Charles thought that I had been really good, he got to put his "wang" inside of me. It could be anything from my mom telling him that I was good at school, to him seeing me being nice to Michelle. To me, this was an honor.

Chapter Three

School Aged Now: Misunderstood

Once I entered school, I learned very fast that the special game was for Charles and me only. I was always getting in trouble for touching other children on their "game parts." One day in Kindergarten, my teacher, Mrs. Session, had left the room during nap time. Since I had a lot of friends in the class, I thought that it would be cool to take off all of my clothes and dance on the table for the class.

Mrs. Session walked in while I was doing this and then I had to go into the closet. Everyone knew that if Mrs. Session took you in the closet, then you were going to get a whipping.

This would be my first of many whippings during my elementary school days. I just didn't understand that what I was doing at school was wrong. Charles was the only one who, no matter what, was nice to me.

I use to do all kind of things at school and get in a lot of trouble. In first grade, this boy named Jimmy was messing with me so I decided to close his head in the metal door. Jimmy had to get stitches in his head and I got a paddle from the Principle, Mrs. Suggs.

Then in second grade, I took my clothes off again, this time in PE. Mr. Hunt, the PE teacher, then whipped me. I really didn't understand this. I liked Mr. Hunt and this is why I was taking off my clothes for him. Why did he get mad? I really didn't understand it.

Of course Charles understood this. But my mom sure didn't because each and every time the school would call her after I did something there and had already gotten whipped at school, she would turn around and whip me again at home. Charles was the only one who understood.

My Comfort

By the time I was in the third grade, not understanding my life, I turned to food and stealing for comfort. I learned that food would make me feel good at all times. Even when my body would hurt from playing the game, food really made me feel so good.

As for stealing things, not getting caught was like a big rush and was really fun in a way. I learned how steal from my cousin Anthony. Anthony would steal your hand if you turned your head for a minute. Anthony was having a hard time dealing with his mother (my aunt), being gay. Kids at his school would tease him and he would in turn, take things from them. I guess this made him feel good. Unlike Anthony, I learned real fast that my mom didn't play when it came to me stealing things.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from I Survived! You Can Too!by Channelle Lewis Copyright © 2009 by Channelle Lewis. Excerpted by permission.
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