It has been over two years since mamas angels came and carried her home to be with the Lord. It seems like it has only been weeks when mama was teaching my children Joanie and Anthony how to cook cornbread on top of the stove. And teaching me her way of cooking her style of Tea cakes. We all miss them so much. She was loved by everyone that passed by her. She was my momma, my guide for Christian living. Her ears were for everyone who wanted to talk. She was my shoulder to lean on when I was feeling low. She was always there for me, she was my best friend. I reminisce about all the things she taught me in the last six months she was on earth. I inhaled so much. I know mama is happy where she is. She is there with my daddy, Otis and my brother Ozen and my sister, Mary Fish. I miss them so very much. When I exchange my place I will be there too. What a reunion that will be, she left behind fourteen five generations and alot more. I know God blessed her and God blessed us. Sometimes I feel some part is missing and wish they were all here, I can't be greedy though, God has them now. I am reminded of them most everyday from someone else that misses them too. I know God had a plan and he don't make any mistakes and I know she is in a much better place. But we all miss her as a mom to guide all of her children in the right direction. I am proud to write that she was my momma and we all loved her. My mama was 21 days from her 90th birthday when she left this earth.

Ruby Howell and all of Belvie and Otis Sanders' children. 2006

I was not ready to give up

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1999. I had gone to two doctors and told them that I had a dent in my breast that was not normal. All they would say was, "when is your next x-ray?" I told them, in two different visits, that i could not have an x-ray. I had to wait four months. So finally, the four months were up and I had an x-ray. Sure enough it was cancer. It had gotten into to limp nods also. They gave me a radical removal. It was hurting so bad. If no one has ever had a doctor tell you have cancer, they would not understand the pain. I cried so much. I went through the operation twice to get the cancer. I would like to tell everyone reading this, don't always let the doctor decide for you. If you know something is wrong, please do something about it. It is your life, not theirs. On July 4th 2000 my doctor called and apologized to me over the telephone. He said he was truely sorry, I told him thank you, but don't you think it is a little late for that. Doctors are human too. They make mistakes too. But, to top things that were already bad, my husband made a ninety degree turn around. He told me to go on and die because I had cancer. He was mad at me for getting cancer. I had always tried to look my best in what ever I wore; I was not built badly either. But this became hard because I lost my hair, and one night while I was lying in my bed very sick, he told me this about me dying. And I asked him "do you see my hand? Jesus has me in the palm of his hands and I am not going to die, I am going to fight it."

I took six long months of chemo. After I had my last treatment, he was trying to come out of denial. I went to school on this. I am a survivor. I went to my cancer doctor yesterday. He told me, "Before I didn't think you would make it." He dismissed me yesterday July 29th 2005. I do not have to come see him anymore. You know, you have to make it up in your mind, that you are going to be alright, even when you were so sick that you thought you would not make it. I had to work at it one day at a time. I am sixty years old; I have two children, five grand-children and three great grand-children. I made it on my own with Jesus' help. I am a survivor.

I do not get the coping book. I have always got it from the doctor's office. They let me have it. It is good and uplifting for me. Thanks for coping, I made it!

FEBRUARY 13,2005

I myself needed a new Christmas tree, so I went to Wal-mart to get one. While I was trying to decide, my banker for many years came up. Larry came to Wal-mart for and extra extension cord. He has 4 children and 4 grand-children. I have 2 children, 5 grandchildren and 3 great-grand children. I talked to my daughter; she thought he was a nice guy. I talked to my son Anthony, he was so proud I wasn't going to be a hermit in a shell. He was glad I was getting on with my life. Larry and I are still wondering what happened to us, cause the only thing we can do is pray and ask the Lord to guide us to make the right choices.

Getting back to Wal-mart when I saw Larry I asked him what he had planned for New Years Eve. He said they were going to shoot some fire works in the church yard. I looked at him and said "In the church yard?" he said "yes", I told him "I had never heard of messing up a church yard". As he started to leave he looked back and said, "If you never saw it, come join us, the church would be happy to have you, that is if you don't have anything to do".

New Years Eve came, my daughter didn't invite me to her home because there was going to be drinking. I thought what would it hurt. So I called Larry and asked him where his church was, it took two tries to get there I thought that was the longest road and it was very dark, not many houses. I finally saw the church sign. But before I came in I told Larry not to leave me because I didn't know anyone. Sure enough he didn't. He was grilling chicken and his son was grilling spare ribs. I stood out there with Larry. We were talking about his grandchildren, I proudly said "I have 3 great-grandchildren". He looked at me and said "your to young to have a great-grandchild". I told him I was probably older than him. He looked at me and said, "you are only 45 days older than me". I looked at him and sad what else do you know about me?" That's all he said. When we got through eating we all went in the big church where we had a beautiful gathering. The preacher asked what did we want to do for the New Year. They gave out a slip of paper and a pin. He said" when you are through come to the front of the church and nail them on this cross". (The pastor had made, it was a nice one). They were all going up and nailing them to the cross with a big-big hammer. Larry and I got up and we nailed ours to the cross. Its was a beautiful service. When service was over the preacher said "Its time to shoot some fireworks." Boy, the kids jumped for joy, they were ready. We all went out and Larry built a big bon fire. So we could roast marshmallows. The children were having the time of there lives. Some of the children roasted me some; they were burnt, but they were very good. Just like I like them. I pulled so many off the wire that I had to go wash my hands, they were sure sticky. As a few left with smaller children, I stood by the fire to warm, it was cold that night. It was winding down, Larry and a few more stood around the fire and talked about the coming of the Lord, which I enjoyed because I feel he is coming sooner than people expect. So larry walked me around the front of the church and I gave him a half a hug and told him" Happy New Year". He told me he hoped I had a good time. I left.

So I went to my daughter's house, but before I got so far down 105 I had them blue lights on me. They said I was speeding; I was listening to my tapes and singing along. So I was stopped between 105 and 15. They asked me for everything, but I couldn't find anything. I forgot where I put my papers. Thank goodness one of the officers said" that's Joanies mother, it's ok. Then the officer told me "Happy New Year and drive safe". So off to Joanies, when I got there my son Anthony and his children were popping fire works. I love fire works. When I went in I didn't see any of them drinking. Joanie didn't know how it was going to go, there were alot of people there. It went just fine. Everybody hugged each other and wished them "A Happy New Year". So it was time to come home. The next couple of days Larry saw me sitting with Mr. Ketchum, it was his birthday, he was 86. We were at Deloneys resturant, Larry left, that's when he said to himself" self if that old man can sit with that younger lady, I am going to ask her out for dinner. So he did. When he came my daughter was ready for him. She didn't know him. She told him he better be good to my momma. It got off with Larry. He bought me a corsage, it was really pretty, and we pined it on and we went out to eat. It was so nice. I thought he was a beautiful person; he respected me to a T. We came back to my house and we talked and he left. A couple of days passed and I went to where Joanie works and she kept telling me to ask Larry out to eat. So I went into the bank to do some business, then I saw Larry, I went into his office. Sure enough I asked him what he was doing for lunch and do you want to go out to eat. Boy was he ready, we had a great lunch.

We went to Leon's fish house. We went down the isle and got all our food we needed. All the things had Alaskan snow crabs. We sat down, said blessing and I told Larry I needed some crackers for my Alaskan snow crab. I still got my crackers. Now all we can do is laugh and say crackers, but it was a beautiful evening.

After our Lunch I went home and thought and thought, I am not going with no one for keeps. I had breast cancer, my banker already knew about it. I didn't figure I would ever have a friend like Larry. Larry called me and we went out again, we ate, went bowling. Walked and watched movies together. On our walk we went to one of his fishponds, (those fish were hungry). The fish splashed the water so much that it wet the the front of my pants. When we went bowling he was concerened about my arm from the breast surgery in 1999 this is the 13th days of Feburary 2005. We walked threw his enchanted forest where his grandchildren play about every Saturday. I think that's what he called it.

Our relationship had become a bit more than friends. He sent me 6 yellow roses and a huge balloon for Valentine's Day. The balloon sang to me, "roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet my love, but not as sweet as you." It read I love you.

I gave him a big bear hug. This is our first valentine 2005. He is planning to take me out Monday night, which is Valentine's Day.

Do you think we are close friends or not?

March 26,2005

Its Valentine, we went out to eat at the Old Mill. It was very nice, we had a window view. One thing I like about Larry is that we always hold hands and pray before every meal. We had a nice conversation while Larry drove me home. We never get through talking, we just have to quit talking and say goodbye and we throw each other a kiss. When we part. Larry and I still laugh about the crackers and navy beans and ham. Larry would rub his stomach and say those beans, I better leave off. We would laugh and laugh, they always said laughter is good for the soul and we have done lots of it too.

Larry invited me to watch him grind corn for cows. He also took me to see the first day of the baby chicks; he has 7 houses for them. I stooped down and put my hand under and over them, they were so soft. But now after a week and a half, they aren't as pretty. Another time I was there he took me to the saw mill. It was amazing to see what his son had done with that big tree.

A later date I was invited to go fishing with him and his mother, Mrs. Sara. I was big and bated my own hook and took the catfish off myself. It was a treat for me. We took the fish to Larry's mothers and we all three cleaned the fish. I was invited to have supper with his sister Linda for a catfish supper. When she was preparing the fish I asked her to leave some of the tails on them. She looked at Larry and she said Elaine was the only one that would eat them, they were real good. After supper Larry and I walked about 3 miles as we were coming back one of his grand children's dog came up behind us, boy was I afraid. O, but Larry was too!! But we shined the light on the dog and then he knew whose dog it was. Larry never lets me drive home by myself. He said it was too dangerous, so he comes and gets me and takes me home. I took Larry to see Don's grave (my husbands grave) Larry saw the light and thought it would be nice to get one for his wife and daddy so he got two of them and put them on there graves. They look nice. Larry and I talk about our past, it had a lot of simularities, so we know what each other have gone through. Losing my mother and husband two months apart and two months later my husband's mother passed. I am so thankful that God sent Larry this way. My ups and downs get hard sometimes. Larry had a town merchants meeting at the civic center. He asked me to go. I said I would. It was a nice meeting. Weeks later he asked me to go with him to a doctor;s staff outing, it was the doctors from Dale Medical center. It was a luau; they had a whole hog with a apple in its mouth. Everything was really nice; they recognized Dr. D. Petry and Dr. T. Caffey that night. It seems when I'm with Larry time flys and there are never no dull moments. It's got to where we stay on the phone till midnight; never do we get tired of talking to each other. I guess you would say we always have interesting things to talk about.

Now the big one, Larry had a kidney stone, this makes about nine he said. I asked Larry if it was a boy or a girl. We could laugh about it; he called me on Saturday night and told me he had his stones. Boy was he sick, bless his heart. He had all of his children with him, he was in good hands. On Monday mourning I sent Larry a big blue and pink carnation with alot of little ones around them, with a pink and blue ribbon. Everyone's eyes opened wide at the bank where Larry is a laon officer. Those girls gave Larry a hard time, but it was all for a nice laugh, Larry said it made his day. I am so glad.

Larry asked if I would like to go with him and his son and daughter-in law and grandchild to Callaway gardens. I've never been. It was so pretty. We walked miles and saw so many beautiful butterflies and we went to a bird show, it was interesting. The big birds were well trained. As we started back home Larry wanted to see where the little white house was, it was president Roosevelt's home. We went way up in the moutains and as we drove we stopped on the side of the road to take pictures, it was beautiful. Then we sort of got lost, Larry said maybe we would run in to 431 soon. It was awhile before we found it. I had a wonderful time. We stopped and ate at the cracker barrel, that was one night to remember. I had turnips and ham and boy Larry said," I have to be upwind with them". We never quit laughing about it, I know people thought we were crazy cause we laughed so hard, I had to go to the bathroom to try to wipe the laughter off my face. When I got back to the table, Larry had water coming out of his mouth and nose cause he was laughing so hard. I said "Larry wipe that grin off your face". We sure have fun together.

Larry worked very hard in my yard when we got back from Florida. I happened to look out the front door and saw Larry pull his pants up three times right together. I hollered Larry why are you pulling at your pants? He laughed and said, "I have to walk and blow and not much left, he forgot his butt. It was laugh time again. I had a pair of don's pants still here, I asked him to have them, and they fit fine. He was glad cause he was fixing to stop work and go home to get a belt.

I went to Dothan with Larry to have a skin cancer cut off his ear; the weather was bad, tornados all around us. It was hailing and the wind was blowing and water was up to the top of the car tires. It was lighting, Dothan got hit pretty hard. We went to crystal river restaurant, we ate seafood again. We always have laughter everywhere we go. I drove Larry home. This was March 22, 2005.