CHAPTER 1
Honestly
Why can't women accept the truth?
We don't want to leave because we love hard and deep, but the truth is I can't stay just because I have children by him.
We can't stay and be disrespected.
We can't have sex and he just pissed you off.
It's not us.... honestly.
Honestly....
Why can't men own up to their responsibilities?
They know what they did and whom they did it with, so why do they still do what they want to do and not what they need to do for their family?
Honestly....
Why do we hate on other people?
We have the capability to do whatever we want living in America, so why hate on someone else because they are doing what we are too lazy to do?
Honestly....
Why cheat on each other and create drama?
Isn't it easier to leave and move on versus carrying drama everywhere you go?
Honestly....
Why can't we unite as one?
Doesn't the pain of knowing your offspring will deal with racism and hate in the world enough to want to make a change?
Honestly....
Passion
Passion is truth in vision, art, and love.
Passion is visualizing what you want, how you want it, and how far you know in your soul you will go to get it.
Passion is admiring, recognizing, and appreciating the art of what you do, love to do, and long to have and hold in your heart as a companion.
Passion from within is not needing another person, song, or touch near you on your journey.
Passion is love beyond looks, flaws, imperfections others may see, and the beauty they will never learn to appreciate.
Passion.
Passion hurts because it's truth.
Passion feels because it's honest.
And Passion is loyal because it has faith.
Thought ...
The day seems to fade and she holds resentment in her heart for a man she's been with for years. Is it not enough that he said he would try? Is it not enough he puts you in the same household as him? Apparently not because it doesn't take from the cheating, the lies, the betrayal, and the loyalty he failed to provide as a man, husband, and father. Your children say they don't like him ... their own father. He is the man who promised to protect them from evil. It's funny how he seems to be the only one to bring pain to the family and household. After the kids and the divorce then the remarriage, things would be so much smoother, so you thought.
But when you have so much anger in you, not from the past but from the fact that once you married him and you started going through the same things again. You see the pattern but he doesn't. You made sure you did a 180-degree turn to make it work, to make sure it went well on your end. Yeah ... that's not enough because he felt mad at you for leaving him, his pride was hurt because he feels no one should ever leave him. He isn't sorry he hurt you or left you with children to fend for yourself, but sorry he dealt with life alone and you weren't there for him to abuse and mentally batter.
Beauty From Within
Beauty from within
is where it all begins.
Being happy and content
is like trying to have a commitment.
Loving another's' thoughts ...
Is sometimes better than them being bought.
Having another's' love,
is when you know ...
They were sprung from a dove.
Being together forever,
is a thought that seems forbidden,
but it's beautiful to know
two can come together ...
and not care what's on the outside
but what flourishes with genuine interest on the inside.
Do Those Things
... the things I love ...
the sexy look
catching my every desire
with a hook.
... that soft and sexy voice ...
creating a flutter amongst birds.
... the tender touch that
could be as soft as a baby kitten
purring in your ear.
Hold me ...
as if everything will be ...
o.k.
Caress me ...
As if I'm that piece of gold
stuck to your soul,
tremendously precious and rare
as if giving birth to your unforeseen 1st
child.
Make love to my mind.
As if we are stuck in a paper bind,
Twisted in what we can't let go of.
Entice my heart
while embracing my soul ...
as if no love or sexual appetite
could ever amount to the trueness you possessed.
And intrigue my spirit
like Doves create new lives ...
empowering souls to eradicate and reassemble the depths of the earth.
Do Those Things
Who to Blame
A professor asked "Is it the parents' responsibility to teach our kids ethics and moral values? the teachers, the general public?"
Naturally it' should be the parents' responsibility to teach their child morals and ethics.
Why would you even have children if it's not what you want to do. Especially if you know you don't want to take on that responsibility?
Makes no sense to me but that is how some people role.
I was amazed that my husband wanted children but once they were here, oh how the tables turned. And he is from the country. He is from Georgia so his mentality is way different.
But I found out that it doesn't matter where you are from or how you were raised, you are still an adult and should know better. Key word is SHOULD.
I feel the foundation and love of a family is what sets the nature of how your children want to be and how they will mold into an adult.
It is how you treat them, respond to them, and act around them.
It IS the man or woman you bring around them and they treat your children.
And it DOES matter how they see their parents' life from a glance that affects their metal state of mind.
So please know that everything you do is what they will do or how they will react when they get to school, high school, college, mental state of mind in public and attitude and outlook on life.
Focus on the happenings of today and not on the hurt of yesterday. A man comes and goes as a woman does as well, don't give your child the option of not being educated or not treating them humane.
But hey, just my opinion.
Family
A family is key to survival mentally, physically, and emotionally. It's also good for the soul. I've seen so many ideas and perceptions of a family that it hurts me. I know I am one person and I know everyone has his or her own opinion but damn. I mean, why have a mate, why have kids if you know it's not what you want. Why cheat if you felt the woman you married wasn't what or whom you wanted to be with? Why not just stay single and mingle until you find what you are looking for. You lie, cheat, and break up your family all to be alone. Still single, no love, family, or marriage, It's not worth it to me. But I know many who has done it including my own.
A family should be tight, not distant, and not hateful towards each other. This is what I was taught, to love unconditionally and truthfully. Our favorite saying was "no weapons formed against me shall prosper." To have a man in the house with you that you made a home out of and for him to disrespect you, lie to you, cheat on you, mistreat your kids and still feel he is happy because you all are in the same house and he can say he does what he has to for his family. That's some shit right?
It's pathetic for a woman to call herself a wife, but cheats and lies. For her to have children and take care of her man better than her children. For her to not clean, cook, care for her children more than a piece of dick, damn that pisses me off.
I'm tired of woman taking care of a man before their child, before themselves, and before their household. Since when did we come to neglect what we created just for a quick fuck or a quick buck.
Here's the kicker.... Woman does all that and when she gets money. she gives it to that ignorant, self-centered ass man she claims she loves, even though he doesn't help with the children, the house, not providing for the family and not even good for sex.
Since when?
A family is faithful, loves GOD, worships their children and sticks close. A real family can't be broken up or hurt because they are as one.
And a real man/woman won't jeopardize it for a quickie, money, or false materialistic images they pretend to be because they aren't man/woman enough to take care of home.
Family
Girlfriend of Yours
Married, with children, loves both baby daddies'.
Spends money on the husband, but hates the children and only had them because "he" wanted them.
She spends all day grooming herself and not the house, not the kids, and they even skip meals because she is forgetful, but is willing to go to Red Lobster for him when he gets home for Shrimp, fish, and biscuits.
Girlfriend of Mine.
doesn't know how to spell,
read, write, or help kids with homework.
but she has 5 kids.
girlfriend of Mine will go clubbin' in a heartbeat,
cheat then lie about it,
then give sex as a "never mind" to her indiscretions
Girlfriend of Mine.
All she knows is she is to give sex in order for him to take care of her
and she is to have his kids so he won't leave her.
Girlfriend of Yours.
Both Sides
Ever been told you clean too much?
Or you care about the kids more than him?
Or you want too much out of life,
and how come you can't be happy and stay where you are with life.
I'm thank ful for a house I turned into a home,
I'm blessed, even though at one point in my life I didn't have faith
to be able to take care of my kids.
I want more out of life because I've been content and
something in my soul says keep striving for more and I will have it.
He never said you didn't take care of the house, the kids, you were out clubbing all the time
or that you cheated on him.
He said you should be thank ful you have a man because you act too independent.
I'm thank ful GOD gave me wisdom to know when enough is enough.
He said you don't cater to him the way a wife should.
I said show me a man I can cater to and I'll break my back to give him the world.
He said GOD would never listen to you because you want a divorce and you told him "No weapons formed against me shall prosper".
He said city women want too much and don't give to their man or husband.
You say ... city women know they don't have to waste their time and energy
on what will not progress in a relationship and marriage and they know there is always something better.
After a while, you realized....
Why am I responding to what can be replaced?
When you've given it all, counseling, full passive behavior, friend advice, family advise, and when the counselor asked me why stay if he said he doesn't care for me and the kids, you say to him "I'm waiting on GOD to tell me to walk away, not him".
Best Days
The best days are being at the "Taste of Chicago" walking around and eating.
The best days are going to "Hilda's" for that soul food.
Or attending barbecues where you know everyone and everyone is happy and eating.
The best days are being able to come home to a clean house and kids running to you after work because they miss you and they light up your face when you see them.
The best days are when you can sleep in and don't hear little feet saying "it's morning time mommy, it's time to wake up," or being able to sit and watch a movie uninterrupted.
The best days are having " family day" where all of you go to eat or to the park, the movies, the beach or skating.
The best days are having someone to talk to at night when you are tired and you both fall asleep together.
My best days....
You thought you forgave him for his indiscretions in the past. But for him to lead you down the same path again only enraged you further.
When you thought your days of being sick and tired were over. But the more you take him back the more you know he will never change, the more you see he will always remain selfish and stubborn.
I've realized the more you change yourself to make another happy, the more you are unhappy.
The more you look past their abuse and disrespect, the more they feel they have a right to do it to you.
The longer you stay the more you know he is not the one for you, or the house you made a home.
Real love, true, unconditional love doesn't intentionally hurt you, hit you, lie to you, or cheat.
So now what?
My Intelligence ...
Higher than most ...
so they say.
More logical than wisdom ...
so I've heard ...
but they have no clue ...
the true mentality I possess
or the real concerns I declare
are inevitably beautiful to some
and mean as hell to others....
but genuine to all regardless.
Never feeling intelligent
honestly feeling ignorant in some senses.
Want that higher power of comprehension
and to have an astronomical admiration
for more knowledge to be acquired and utilized.
My intelligence is no more than that longing
to accept what others don't think they can.
It's not being stuck up ...
but able to grow-up ...
accepting what's in my power to control
and eliminating what's not within reach
that others can't seem to behold.
My Intelligence.
Anger
Anger for what I see around me,
the ignorance I see that had the opportunity to change and be knowledgeable.
Anger in a tone so true, that love was never there I was told
and I allowed one to destroy with lies, infidelity, and abuse.
Annoyed with always fighting for the good
and I still saw nothing but the bad that kept creeping up.
Pissed that my efforts to have and maintain a positive,
efficient, and happy home was laughed at and overlooked
by the very men who are suppose to help me hook it up.
Despair takes a stand when laughter at my thoughts of a picket fence
And gorgeous home filled with love are brought up. His mere smirk of ignorance
And bliss at making others miserable seemed to be his picket fence and home life
in reality.
When all hell breaks lose,
all thoughts are exhausted,
and you are forced to go to domestic violence classes
because of his drinking and abuse to you and your kids
come into place, you seem to be able to know what they will say,
how they will say it, and what options they will suggest.
Only because you know it all too well and he has the nerve
To sit and act as if he really wants help and wants his family with him
while texting his girlfriend in the middle of the therapy session.
My Music Love Story
I started thinking of that moment ...
the one where you breathe love
and you feel it no matter what you do or say.
So I thought of "The Games Ride or Die attitude",
'Fat Joe's' wanting "Another Round", and `Tyrese' begging me to "Stay"
More thoughts and more feelings,
emotions, senses, mental stimulation.
Can you imagine `Lil Wayne' "teaching you how to love?",
while listening to Nicki Minajs' "High School" version.
Knowledge ...
being beneficial in the future.
Knowledge....
having greater power than your mind you had predetermined what to know.
Knowledge....
being so intense you want to stop acquiring it.
But I know I have to keep going.
I know it's to the future of my offspring and myself.
Knowledge ...
what I love to learn
and would hate to forget.
Knowledge
A Woman's Beauty
A woman's beauty
means so much more than her
just being cute or having a nice ass.
A woman's intelligence
Goes farther than her
just getting it from her fathers' side of the family.
And a woman's touch
means more than her
being the right chick to screw.
To have a woman with impeccable qualities
is erotic, sensual, merely a blessing to find such a love.
Yet to keep this love ...
With this impeccable woman ...
Who's naturally sprung from a Dove ...
seems to be so different,
and eloquently differentiating
a love with you mother.
Understand and acknowledge a love,
So rare, divine, and oh so kind.
means more than her being a baby's mama,
your girl, or someone you stay with at the moment,
But more of a
Soon to be wife, unexpected love,
and divine soul mate.
Allergic to Stupidity
Allergic to bullshit men, including the one we encounter.
Allergic to cousins' and their famous" oooh his dick so big" but your kids are not fed or clothed and you can't remember who's house you left them at.
Allergic to ignorance stemming from racism and hate that is unnecessary.
Allergic to stupidity.
I try so hard to be a better person for my offspring, but I keep being told I'm stupid for wanting better.
Or I'm stupid for having standards, lol funny right, not high standards, but standards.
Allergic to stupidity.
* * *
I can't stand it that people look at me when I'm out somewhere, pissed off that I look a certain way, I'm doing what they want to but they are too lazy to get up and try.
When you can't stand the so-called husband telling you "all you care about is those kids."
Or that your own husband can't be trusted with his own kids.
I'm allergic to stupidity.
Or the women that feel they laid down with someone to get what they want, because as Madea sayed "they test mattresses for NASA"
I'm allergic to haters, I'm allergic to girlfriends who try to get you to do wrong in life because they are miserable with their own life.
I'm allergic to stupidity.
