This pioneering self-help book takes a close look at a topic that has been ignored or downplayed by other books on incest and childhood sexual abuse: that the non-perpetrating parent usually bears a great deal of responsibility for the child's abuse. In this examination of the complicated dynamics of abuse, the enabling mother is not treated as a victim, rather as an adult responsible for her failure to protect her child. Self-help exercises are interspersed with case histories and analytical material throughout the book, useful to both survivors and therapists.
The Ultimate Betrayal
The Enabling Mother, Incest and Sexual Abuse
By Audrey RickerSee Sharp Press
Copyright © 2006 Audrey Ricker
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-884365-40-9Contents
Introduction (Katherine Trimm),
A Therapist's Comment (Ophelia Zamora),
An Attorney's Comment (Sue Supp, Atty. at Law),
Preface,
A Survivor's Poem,
PART 1 — Childhood Trauma,
1. How Your Mother Treated You,
2. The Enabling Mother's Matriarchal Status,
3. The Mother's Control of the Survivor's Feelings,
4. The Survivor's Loyalty to the Mother,
5. The Mother's Destruction of the Survivor's Self-Esteem,
6. The Mother's Emotional Alienation of the Survivor,
7. The Mother's Scapegoating of the Survivor,
8. Resilience of the Enabling Mother,
9. The Enabling Mother's Self-Image as a Good Parent,
10. The Survivor's Relationship to the Perpetrator's New Wives & Girlfriends,
11. Feeling Better,
PART II — Late Adolescent and Adult Trauma,
12. The Mother's Role in Late Adolescent and Adult Sexual Trauma,
13. Lessons from the Case Histories,
14. Are You Still Suffering from Your Sexual Assault?,
PART III — Present and Future,
15. Are You Living with Rape and Incest?,
16. Multiple Personalities,
17. Acting Out,
18. When the Victim Becomes a Perpetrator.,
19. Guilty Pleasures: When Something Bad Feels Good,
A Final Word,
Appendix A: Types of Help,
Appendix B: Recommended Reading & Viewing,
CHAPTER 1
How Your Mother Treated You
In this section, you will "attend" five therapy sessions that will be as close to visiting a therapist as possible. The only difference is that there will be no therapist present, just you and this book. Please try to conduct your sessions in a private place, sitting upright in a comfortable chair, with a fairly low, soothing light. Have the sessions at the same time of day, with no music playing in the background, and have plenty of tissues on hand. Take a pen and a three-ring binder or steno pad with you to every session for recording your answers. Allow 50 to 60 minutes for every session. (It's okay if you finish before the end of the allotted time.) You can go on reading the rest of the book while you are undergoing the "therapy sessions." In fact, it might be a good idea to do so. But you don't have to.
At every session, follow instructions in a relaxed way. This section is all about you, your feelings, and your needs. Please don't tell yourself what should happen in the sessions or what you should feel or think during and after the sessions.
Session One
The steno pad or three-ring notebook that (preferably) has lined paper in it is especially important in this session. If you don't have one or the other, use paper and something firm to write on. Just be sure that paper and pen are handy so you don't have to hunt for them during the session. Please stop and get these items together now, if you don't already have them. When you return, you can continue. Oh, yes, make sure that your chair is comfortable, but not so comfortable that you can't sit upright with your feet on the floor.
All set? Let's get started.
Hello. Welcome to the therapist's office. I'm so glad you came in today. I know this isn't easy, and I think you're brave for being here.
Please answer the following 26 questions. Say them aloud to yourself slowly, pleasantly, and with real caring. All the questions are drawn from common behaviors of the mothers of incest survivors. All
