Where Will My Help Come From? | A Story of Courage and Positive Thinking in a Fight Against Elusive and Transforming Drug-Resistant Cancer
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Where Will My Help Come From? | A Story of Courage and Positive Thinking in a Fight Against Elusive and Transforming Drug-Resistant Cancer | Denis Nkala | Taschenbuch | Kartoniert / Broschiert | Englisch | 2013 | iUniverse | EAN 9781491705162 | Verantwortliche Person für die EU: Libri GmbH, Europaallee 1, 36244 Bad Hersfeld, gpsr[at]libri[dot]de | Anbieter: preigu Print on Demand.
Codice articolo 117985923
- Titolo
- Where Will My Help Come From? | A Story of Courage and Positive Thinking in a Fight Against Elusive and Transforming Drug-Resistant Cancer
- Autore
- Denis Nkala
- Editore
- iUniverse
- Anno di pubblicazione
- 2013
- Condizione
- Neu
- Rilegatura
- Taschenbuch
- Lingua
- inglese
- ISBN 10
- 1491705167
- ISBN 13
- 9781491705162
- Peso dell'articolo
- 265 grammi
- Dimensioni
- 229 x 152 x 10 mm
- Cataloghi dei venditori
- Bücher
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Where Will My Help Come From?
A Story of Courage and Positive Thinking in a Fight against Elusive and Transforming Drug-Resistant Cancer
By Denis NkalaiUniverse LLC
All rights reserved.
Contents
| Foreword................................................................... | ix |
| Preface.................................................................... | xi |
| Introduction............................................................... | xiii |
| Chronology................................................................. | xv |
| Chapter 1: Meeting Fidelia and the Early Years (1985-1991)................. | 1 |
| Chapter 2: Family Challenges 1991-1999..................................... | 10 |
| Chapter 3: Cancer Diagnosis and Surgery (1999-2003)........................ | 17 |
| Chapter 4: Post-Surgery Priorities (2002-2003)............................. | 23 |
| Chapter 5: Planning to Leave New York (2005)............................... | 27 |
| Chapter 6: The Second Diagnosis and Surgery (2005-2006).................... | 32 |
| Chapter 7: Enchanted in Bangkok (2006-2010)................................ | 40 |
| Chapter 8: Missed Opportunities? (2008-2012)............................... | 51 |
| Chapter 9: Coping with New York, January (2012-July 2012).................. | 77 |
| Chapter 10: A Time to Hope (January 2012-July 2012)........................ | 83 |
| Chapter 11: Interlude, Room-Mates.......................................... | 94 |
| Chapter 12: Where Will My Help Come From?.................................. | 101 |
| Chapter 13: Superstorm Sandy and Leukemia, October 2012-February, 2013..... | 109 |
| Chapter 14: The Final Farewells (Friday to Sunday)......................... | 124 |
| Chapter 15: A Tribute...................................................... | 131 |
| Chapter 16: The Autopsy.................................................... | 135 |
| Chapter 17: Looking Back, Lessons Learnt................................... | 138 |
| Acknowledgement............................................................ | 145 |
| Glossary................................................................... | 147 |
| Bibliography............................................................... | 151 |
| Appendix 1: Cancer Information and Help.................................... | 153 |
| Appendix 2: The Last Song.................................................. | 155 |
| Appendix 3: To Mom......................................................... | 157 |
CHAPTER 1
Meeting Fidelia and theEarly Years (1985-1991)
The great drought of 1966 almost wiped out all my father's wealth.It was a tragedy of major proportions for him. All over the little farmcattle and sheep fell never to get up again. Weakened from thirst andstarvation, they eventually died of lack of food and water. The raindid not come. Great clouds would build and swirl over the mountainrange to the east of the farm. It would drizzle, the light drops blowingaway in the air. All around the little farm animals were still hangingin there, clinging to dear life and yet unable to pick themselves up andgo. Opening the mouths of some of the most beloved cows for them toget some water from the little rain was childhood folly that my brotherand I engaged in. The leaves from chopped branches off trees that wefed them with yielded no relief for the weakened cattle. It was too latefor most of them. There was a lot of death in the farm, very painful tothe young heart and spirit of a cattle herder. It hurt a lot. Every youngcattle herder knows that some animals are special. They seem to knowthe vulnerabilities of a young boy and take it upon themselves to leadthe herd. At an early age, cows are simply the biggest thing around fora herd boy and the loss of each is felt by the whole family.
Out of a herd of perhaps one hundred, only seven cattle remainedat the end of the drought. The family relocated from the farm to thecommunity lands. The land was poor and despite a lot of hard work theharvest was always meager. The younger children never experiencedthe times of plenty once experienced by older siblings. Those were thedays when the family was one of the wealthiest in the region. To makematters worse, our father died within three years and our oldest brotherinherited all that was left of his wealth.
A Courageous Woman
I always looked forward to go to church with my mother onSundays. If she was well, she never missed a day at church. The walk tothe church was six miles each way. It took some time and effort, mostsignificantly in the heat of the early summer before the rains came.The path to the church cut through some dense vegetation, along thehighest mountain in the district, across two rivers with dry sand only,eventually past the red soils near the local clinic, and then to the church.During the midday the African sun scorched the red soils. Walking onfoot on the heated soils was most uncomfortable and sometimes resultedin blistered feet. Once in a while you could hear the barking of a baboonand wondered if there was a leopard near-by.
It was during the church services that my mother would really letout her emotions. She sobbed a lot, may be for the children that she hadbeen left to struggle with, but maybe for her husband. When we wentto church she usually spoke about her hope that one of the childrenwould follow in our father's footsteps and be a staunch member of theMethodist church. Our father was a lay preacher. He had built several ofthe Methodist schools in the area. So many times at church and duringevening prayers at home our mother led the hymn that cried out, "Maythere be a follower to the leader on the path he has set". She probablymeant it for all of us, I felt that she really meant it for me.
Leaving Zimbabwe-Rhodesia for America
The early years were years of war in Rhodesia. During the last yearof pre-university education, all the male students received "call-up"papers. The Zimbabwe-Rhodesian Government wanted everyone tosign forms consenting to join its army once we were done with ourexaminations at the end of the year. Enrollment at the University ofZimbabwe-Rhodesia had to wait. The country had changed its namefrom Rhodesia when the minority white government had given "some"political power to the internally--based black political parties. Thewar, executed by the externally based political parties had continuednonetheless. For some of us nothing really had changed and there wasa lot of sympathy for our brothers and sisters who were still out therefighting. A few of us therefore refused to sign the call-up forms.
The last months of the school-year arrived. The principal(headmaster) called us to his office and told us that we would not beable to sit for our examinations if we did not sign the forms. A decisionhad to be made. My thinking was:
I cannot join the Zimbabwe-Rhodesia army, ever. This is a governmentthat despises my people for no other reason than the colour of theirskin. Having some black faces for window dressing does not changeanything. My own immediate older brother is out there fighting againstthe Rhodesian soldiers and mercenaries. On the other hand it doesnot make sense to abandon two years' hard work that I have put in inpreparation to take the exams.
I spoke about my predicament to friends and family and made upmy mind to sign the forms and leave the country after writing theexaminations. With the assistance of my brother Herbert, who wasthen studying in the United Kingdom, I left the country to join him.After weeks of frustration I got my visa in London and travelled toCalifornia where I studied for the next six years. I was nineteen whenI left the country.
Return to Zimbabwe and Meeting Fidelia
I first met Fidelia after my return from study in the United States ofAmerica. I had just returned from school and some of the happiest yearsof my life in Santa Cruz, California. Those had been carefree days. Theundergraduate days were filled with work in and out of school. It washard to feel a part of the University. The two years of graduate schoolin Santa Cruz were breath-taking. We had an apartment by the beach,I had a fellowship that provided sufficient resources to live comfortablyand more, and had many, many friends.
I was now twenty-four years old. Now that the educational goalshad been attained, it was time to head back home and see my motherand siblings. During the six years in the United States I had not beenable to visit home even once. I used to rely on letters only.
On returning after all these years of college away from home, itwas not easy to reconnect with friends. Zimbabwe-Rhodesia was nowZimbabwe after independence. The war was over. A new country wasstriding to its future with pride and confidence after fifteen years of awar for independence. People I knew had moved on.
When I left Zimbabwe-Rhodesia, I had tried to maintainrelationships. Over the years the relationships died a slow painless death.On coming back, it made sense to attempt to locate my former friends.I managed to track down one of them and telephoned him. We agreedthat he would come and visit with us at my brother Clifford's house.As good as his word, on a weekend day, he arrived in the warm, anddry August afternoon. We were very pleased to see each other. Afterthe formalities and looking at each other up and down to see how wehad changed physically we sat down. The conversation was strained asthough we were strangers trying to get to know each other for the firsttime. It was not working. We spent some two hours or so together.When we parted ways, we both promised to see each other again. Deepdown, I knew that there was no purpose to it. Apparently the feelingwas mutual. None of us attempted to call the other again.
When I left Zimbabwe-Rhodesia, I had a very close girl-friend.You could say we were dating although that concept did not really existin our time in the African culture. I looked her up too. I just neededa friend, someone to talk to. She had had a child and really did notwant to see me. This was a barren and lonely period in terms of humanrelationships. I knew from my previous experience that the UnitedStates friends would go their ways and the letters that I got once in awhile would dry up. My heart yearned for a return to the United States."Did I make a mistake in coming back?" I contemplated going back beforeit was too late. The letters to friends in the United States took about tendays to arrive in Zimbabwe those days. There was nothing that couldbe done quickly through mail then.
It was during this time of loneliness and longing for the returnto college years that I met Fidelia. I was working for a private sectorcompany with many, many divisions in the city of Bulawayo, thesecond largest city in Zimbabwe. As a management trainee, I spent afew months in each of the divisions learning the tricks of the trade andmapping out their administration systems. I had seen her in the staff busa few times before but never really paid attention. On this particularevening I sat in the staff bus all alone close to the front. I was considered"senior" as a management trainee which is why nobody cared to joinme, perhaps. The bus stopped and another group of employees jumpedaboard. She seemed a bit uncertain if she should sit next to me. " Do sitdown, if you may," I said. I do not remember that we talked a lot at all.We reached our destination in the city. The bus stopped, we steppedout of the staff bus and found ourselves walking together.
"I am on my way to see my mother at the hospital," I told her.
"Why is she in hospital?" she asked.
"She had a stroke," I answered.
"How old is she?" she enquired further.
"Sixty-one," I responded.
"O, so young too? O, I am really sorry to hear that, I hope she getsbetter, be safe on your way to the hospital," she concluded with a smileand a frown of concern on her face.
She was so kind. Her concern came out as very genuine. Fidelia wason high heels and stood at least two inches taller than me as we talked.I watched as she walked away and chuckled. She seemed a bit unsteadyon the high heels. She kind of walked and rocked along.
A few weeks later and my work-training programme took me to herdepartment. Our offices were next to each other. We started to hangout and have lunch together. It never crossed my mind that we could beanything but friends. There were no issues of inappropriateness because itwas a simple friendly relationship. It seemed that we were fond of each otherand nothing more. She had this completely unrestrained smile wheneverwe met. She also seemed to hold herself with so much composure anddignity. That made it easier for me to be her friend because if she weredifferent, tongues would have been waging about the management traineeand the secretary. I looked forward to see those big bright eyes each day.
We talked a lot about my mother's illness, which usually topped ourconversations. Things continued this way until my mother's conditionworsened. She was dismissed from the hospital because they could nolonger do anything for her. Now every evening and weekend I wouldvisit my brother Clifford's place to spend time with her. My motherpassed away on a windy September afternoon. I remember that inthe morning my nephew and I had decided to walk the five or six-kilometresfrom my home to my brother's place. It had seemed to be anunusual morning, trees swaying as if to wave us on. We ran the wholeway and did not break a sweat. In the afternoon everyone had gone outexcept my sister, and I. We were relieving my brother and sister in-lawfrom care-duty. Our mother quietly passed away while we watched atelevision programme in the next room.
For one week people came to pay their respects. The funeral wasdelayed because messages had to get to various people in the rural areas,especially our mother's family. I went to my work-place to pick up somestuff and saw Fidelia. She asked me if she could come to the funeral. Iconcurred rather uneasily. May be I felt the relationship was growingand gaining ground too quickly. However, other people from workintended to visit too.
"It is okay, you can come, everyone comes in the eveningaround 6:00 PM," I told her.
"Okay then, I will see you tomorrow," she promised as I left work.
When she visited she was so dignified and I really thought mymother would have loved her if she had met her. I was so sad at the lossof my mother. It was less than a year since I had returned from college.I had had the hope that now that I was working, I would do absolutelyeverything for my mother. That opportunity was gone and would notcome back.
Marriage
Here was a woman (Fidelia) that almost seemed to have connectedwith my mother although she never exchanged a single word with her.Somewhere after my mother's funeral the relationship transformedpretty quickly. After four years of dating we decided to get married.However, before marrying there were some hurdles we had to clear,some formidable barriers in the context of our culture. Very early inour friendship Fidelia had told me, "I have my small boy at home." Sheshowed me the photos of a little boy who looked remarkably like her. Iasked what happened to the father. There had been family complicationsand it did not work out. I felt even drawn closer to her. She had lovedand it had not worked out through no-fault of her own. So had I. "If Ihad been a woman would I have been in a similar situation?" I reflected.
At the time I also liked to think of myself as an idealist and perhapsa rebel against norms. In African culture it is rare that a young womanwho has had a child marries a single young man. A single young man issupposed to marry "a pure flower". I was sure that it did not matter tome. I do not recall ever discussing it with anyone in my family. Nobodyraised it with me either.
Fidelia had not had an opportunity to attend University. After herhigh school she had gone to a secretarial college. Like many people ofour age, if you were an older sibling, responsibility to look after thewelfare of the younger siblings usually came knocking, early, urgentlyand insistently. "You already have a Master's degree, I do not have adegree," she reminded me. That did not seem to be a problem either.There would be many opportunities for Fidelia to study if she wantedto. Instead of holding back from a lifelong relationship with her onaccount of what had happened or not happened yet, I thought that Iwanted to be her friend and mentor for her to achieve what she aspiredto be. She was beautiful outside and inside, she simply filled a void inmy heart, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.
With the bridal price paid, we got married in a civil court in April1990. After the marriage, Fidelia relocated to Harare where I hadmoved three years back to take up another job. As is customary in ourculture, Lovejoy, Fidelia's son remained with her parents. AlthoughLovejoy did not come to stay with us in Harare he would visit andspend some time with us. In our earlier married life, I always tended tosay we had three children while Fidelia would correctly state that wehad four. This changed later on in our lives as I gradually got used tohaving Lovejoy around.
More than a year after the civil wedding, we returned to Bulawayofor a church wedding at the Methodist church in St. Patrick's Hall.During those days the mark of a good wedding was that it took placeat the Large City Hall. We had made bookings almost a year earlier atthe City Hall. However, we did not get it in the end. The lady whohad taken our names down had died and there was no record of ourbooking.
We scrambled and got the modest St Patrick's Hall. It was at thecentre of the old township, a different setting from the leafy park thatsurrounded the Large City Hall. We would miss the nice white walls ofthe Large City Hall but the red bricks of St Patrick's Hall would haveto do. It was not the wedding I had wanted to give her but then wecomforted ourselves that we were already married. We did not need aflashy wedding.
The marriage church service was presided over by one of the reallyold time Methodist church pastors. He had worked with my father andrelayed how they had worked so well together. "Is it possible that amongall these children, none will walk in the footsteps of his father? I donot think so! Let there be no dearth of followers from this family tothe work that your father did." The Reverend Musa also talked aboutmy mother and how she had worked hand in hand with my father. Themessage was clear, if I had to follow on the path of my father, I neededto have the partner to work with me. I think Fidelia understood thattoo because we talked about it later.
The wedding day was full of fun. There was traditional dancingfrom different parts of Zimbabwe. When all was done, the eldersdelivered speeches, each side of the family thanked the other. We wentback home to prepare to return to Harare. The honeymoon wouldindeed take place later. We wanted our daughter Sikhanyisiwe (Skha)to grow a bit older. When she was a few months older, Fidelia and Iwent to Mauritius where we had a really wonderful time. My brotherHerbert, who was in the tourism industry, arranged for us to be hostedby some of his friends. In between our stays at the modest hotels, wehad a few days in some of the grandest hotels on the west-coast of theIsland. It was wonderful, we were like real newly-weds. This remainsmy favourite time that I spent with Fidelia, all on our own.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Where Will My Help Come From? by Denis Nkala. Copyright © 2013 Denis Nkala. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse LLC.
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In order to safeguard the revocation period, it is sufficient that you send the notification about the exercise of the revocation right before the expiry of the revocation period.
Consequences of the revocation
If you revoke this contract, we shall repay all the payments, which we received from you, including the delivery costs (with the exception of additional costs, which arise from that fact that you selected a form of delivery other than the most reasonable standard delivery offered by us), immediately and at the latest within 14 days from the day on which we received the notification about the revocation of this contract from you. We use the same means of payment, which you had originally used during the original transaction, for this repayment unless expressly agreed otherwise with you; you will not be charged any fees owing to this repayment.
We can refuse the repayment until the products are returned to us or until you have furnished evidence that you have sent the products back to us, depending on whichever is earlier.
You must return or transfer the products to us immediately and, in any case, at the latest within 14 days with effect from the day on which you inform us of the revocation of this contract. The deadline is maintained if you send the products before the expiry of the 14 day deadline.
You bear the direct costs for returning the products.
You must pay for any depreciation of the products only if this depreciation can be attributed to any handling with you that was not necessary for checking the condition, features and functionality of the products.
Criteria for exclusion or expiry
The revocation right is not available for contracts
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for delivery of products, which are not prefabricated and for whose manufacturing an individual selection or stipulation by the consumer is important or which are clearly tailored to the personal requirements of the consumer;
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for delivery of products, which can spoil quickly or whose use-by date would be exceeded quickly;
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for delivery of alcoholic drinks, whose price was agreed at the time of concluding the contract, which however can be delivered 30 days after the conclusion of the contract at the earliest and whose current value depends on the fluctuations in the market, on which the entrepreneur has no influence;
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for delivery of newspapers, periodicals or magazines with the exception of subscription contracts. The revocation right expires prematurely in case of contracts
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for delivery of sealed products, which are not suitable for return for reasons of health protection or hygiene if their seal has been removed after the delivery;
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for delivery of products if they have been mixed inseparably with other goods after the delivery, owing to their condition;
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for delivery of sound or video recording or computer software in a sealed package if the seal has been removed after the delivery.
Specimen - revocation form
(If you wish to revoke the contract, please fill up this form and send it back to us.)
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To preigu GmbH & Co. KG, Lengericher Landstr. 19, 49078 Osnabrück, Email address: mail@preigu.de :
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I/we () herewith revoke the contract concluded by me/ us () regarding the purchase of the following products ()/
the provision of the following service () -
Ordered on ()/ received on ()
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Name of the consumer(s)
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Address of the consumer(s)
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Signature of the consumer(s) (only in case of a notification on paper)
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Date
(*) Cross out the incorrect option.
Privacy e sicurezza
Data protection declaration
Unless stated otherwise below, the provision of your personal data is neither legally nor contractually obligatory, nor required for conclusion of a contract. You are not obliged to provide your data. Not providing it will have no consequences. This only applies as long as the processing procedures below do not state otherwise.
"Personal data" is any information relating to an identified or identifiable natural person.
Responsible person
Contact us at any time. The person responsible for data processing is: Ansas Meyer, Lengericher Landstr. 19, 49078 Osnabrück Deutschland, +49 (0) 541 / 580 72 84, mail@preigu.de
Collection and processing when using the cancellation button
If you have entered into a contract via this platform for which a statutory right of cancellation applies, the platform provides you with a cancellation function (cancellation button) through which you can submit your notice of cancellation immediately.
When using the cancellation function, your personal data (name, email address, details identifying the contract or part of the contract you wish to withdraw from, and the time (date and time) of sending the notice of withdrawal) will only be collected to the extent that you have provided it.
The purpose of data processing is to provide you with the statutory option to withdraw from your contract and to ensure the proper processing of your withdrawal.
The platform operator collects your data on the basis of Article 6(1)(f) of the GDPR, namely the legitimate interest in ensuring the general accessibility of the statutory withdrawal function on the platform. You will receive a confirmation email from the platform operator acknowledging receipt of your notice of withdrawal.
The data is then transmitted to us by the platform operator.
If the contact relates to a contract already concluded between you and us, this data processing is carried out on the basis of Article 6(1)(b) of the GDPR. Otherwise, data processing is carried out on the basis of Article 6(1)(c) of the GDPR, to fulfil a legal obligation to provide an electronic withdrawal function.
We use your email address solely to process your notice of withdrawal. Your data will subsequently be deleted in accordance with statutory retention periods, provided you have not consented to further processing and use.
Collection, processing, and transfer of personal data in orders
When you submit an order we only collect and use your personal data insofar as this is necessary for the fulfilment and handling of your order as well as processing of your queries. The provision of data is necessary for conclusion of a contract. Failure to provide it will prevent the conclusion of any contract. The processing will occur on the basis of Article 6(1) b) GDPR and is required for the fulfilment of a contract with you.
Your data will be shared, for example, with shipping companies, dropshipping or fulfillment providers, payment service providers, service providers for order processing, and IT service providers. We will comply strictly with legal requirements in every case. The scope of data transmission is restricted to a minimum.
Duration of storage
After contractual processing has been completed, the data is initially stored for the duration of the warranty period, then in accordance with the retention periods prescribed by law, especially tax and commercial law, and then deleted after the period has elapsed, unless you have agreed to further processing and use.
Rights of the affected person
If the legal requirements are fulfilled, you have the following rights according to art. 15 to 20 GDPR: Right to information, correction, deletion, restriction of processing, data portability. You also have a right of objection against processing based on art. 6 (1) GDPR, and to processing for the purposes of direct marketing, according to art. 21 (1) GDPR.
Right to complain to the regulatory authority
You have the right to complain to the regulatory authority according to art. 77 GDPR if you believe that your data is not being processed legally.
You can lodge a complaint with, among others, the supervisory authority responsible for us, which you may reach at the following contact details:
Landesbeauftragte für den Datenschutz Niedersachsen Prinzenstraße 5 30159 Hannover Tel.: +49 511 1204500 Fax: +49 511 1204599 E-Mail: poststelle@lfd.niedersachsen.de
Right to object
If the data processing outlined here is based on our legitimate interests in accordance with Article 6(1)f) GDPR, you have the right for reasons arising from your particular situation to object at any time to the processing of your data with future effect.
If the objection is successful, we will no longer process the personal data, unless we can demonstrate compelling legitimate grounds for the processing that outweigh your interests or rights and freedoms, or the processing is intended for the assertion, exercise or defence of legal claims.