CHAPTER 1
What's a Role Model, Anyway?
"Is there anyone so wise as to learn by the experience of others?" —Voltaire
Before we begin our adventure together, I want you to get clear on a few basic, although convoluted, concepts.
The first concept is "entrepreneur." You, my dear, are an entrepreneur. You may vigorously shake your head in disagreement and disbelief or say to yourself "No, that's not me," but you are, in fact, a sparkling example of one. The concept is hotly debated with people trying to create definitions to exclude most everyone who is starting a venture while keeping the title as exclusive as owning an Hermès Birkin bag. However, if you are starting a business from the ground up and taking on a financial risk to do so, you are an entrepreneur. This includes the ingenious people starting social ventures in which creating innovative solutions to solve social problems is their main goal.
The second concept is "role models." This will require a bit more explanation so hold tight. Clearly, I'm a big fan of this idea; otherwise why would I ask hundreds of women about their role models, spend my treasured weekends at my alma mater's library researching its roots and spend a year dedicated, dreaming and sometimes arguing (even with myself) about its importance?
The conventional (aka boring) definition of role models doesn't quite make a strong case for its importance:
a person whose behavior in a particular role is imitated by others. (Merriam-Webster)
Few of us want to outright copy, imitate or act like anyone else; with this simple definition, the importance of role models is sadly lost. So what does one make of this whole concept of role models and why should you care anyway?
Let's face it: the term "role model" has taken an ugly and confusing turn in the last 30 years.
What once was reserved for those who held this pristine status reflecting integrity, contribution and strength has been casually tossed around to explain rock stars, sports players, celebrities and, occasionally, reality television stars. One week a particular star is celebrated as a role model for young girls, and after a late night dalliance and a flash of her unmentionables, the headline becomes "Role Model?".
How quick one is to fall from the pedestal.
But did it make sense to put her up there to begin with? What "role" are we hoping for her to model?
This casual use of the term flies counter to the individuals most people name as their personal role models. Typically, it's a "Who's Who" list of extraordinary people, including political leaders, social activists, spiritual gurus, socially conscious entrepreneurs and highly innovative business moguls: Martin Luther King, Jr., Mahatma Gandhi, Margaret Thatcher, Steve Jobs, Richard Branson, Hilary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey and Michelle Obama. That's an impressive list of public figures each possessing a coterie of talents, gifts and contributions to the world at large.
In comparing the vastly different ends of the spectrum (one of which I suspect is fueled by publicity agents and the media), it's clear we're missing a middle ground. On the one hand, we flippantly call celebrities and sports stars role models while also calling significant social and political leaders, such as the esteemed Nelson Mandela, a role model as well.
But what role are each of these people playing and what aspects are people hoping to model?
The only common thread that runs through this widely diverse list of people is the fact that they are public figures and highly visible.
With the confusion in defining and identifying role models also comes resistance to the notion altogether. Making the seemingly ridiculous suggesting that there is even a need for role models is complicated by the fact that we live in an age where authenticity and unique self-expression are the traits du jour.
A Very Brief History Lesson
The concept of role models has traveled a long way from its origins.
"Role model" is a recently coined term that came out of a Columbia University study of socialization of medical students in the 1950s. Robert K. Merton, fondly called "Mr. Sociology" by his students and peers, was one of the most influential sociologists of the twentieth century. He found that individuals use groups as a frame of reference to evaluate their own ambitions, achievements, aspirations and performance. He was primarily studying medical students and how they viewed other doctors to understand how to practice their craft and get ahead. Essentially, he believed that every person compares herself with every other person within a particular social or professional role that just happens to be the role they aspire to attain.
Although the term was coined in the halls of sociology, psychologists have taken a more comprehensive look at how modeling impacts individuals. The traditional concept of role model, which most definitions still reflect, is that of a person who is in an influential position, such as parents, teachers, and mentors, who provide an example for individuals to imitate. Modern researchers however, have revised the view that role models contribute to an active process where one constructs their ideal or best possible self based on their developmental needs and goals. In other words, you're trying on traits, behaviors, and qualities of people you admire to compose the ideal person you want to be. This lends nicely to a generation of those seeking self-improvement and provides an additional tool to do so.
Where Did We Go Wrong?
In speaking to hundreds of women about role models and researching how role models are portrayed in the media, there has been a strange phenomenon that has occurred over the last thirty years: we have elevated role models to a hero-like status and have often overlooked or eliminated models who may be in our own backyard. This seems to be both for personal role models as well as professional models. We require that these select individuals encompass such a vast array of character traits and embody a certain level of perfection that the number of potential women role models can be counted on one hand. They have to be professionally successful, generous, nurturing, full of integrity, courageous, outspoken, relatable, family-oriented, humble, stylish and have an inspiring back story.
When asked to name their female entrepreneurial role models, the short list that most women business owners provide are leaders who have built multi-million, and, in some cases, billion-dollar businesses. The list typically includes Sara Blakely of Spanx, Oprah Winfrey and Arianna Huffington. For some women, Martha Stewart makes this list but for many others she often misses the mark on a few of the qualities noted above.
And this makes sense.
After all, these highly visible women are on television, gracing the covers of magazines, running media companies (often named after themselves) and profiled regularly in the news. They are at the top of their game. For many newly self-anointed business women, who do not personally know business owners and entrepreneurs, looking to these women is a reasonable approach.
You have to start somewhere.
Sadly, though, these women are often the only female role models ever mentioned by women who run their own business; they are the only perceived role models out there for business women.
With a plethora of women launching businesses, we cannot only have a few women to draw from as examples. They cannot represent everything to everyone, nor should they.
There are many reasons why women have a tough time locating role models and, therefore, resort to relying on the high-profile, celebrity names for guidance.
For many women business owners, they may not know other women who have started a business. What's more, because many women have spent most of their own careers in traditional professional fields, examples from their own lives of women they can observe and learn from are scarce. Many do not have family members as examples, either (although research shows that you're more likely to have a parent who is an entrepreneur).
Let's face it: women are relatively new to this show, so we're only now beginning to know more and more women who have successfully launched a business of their own.
Thankfully, this will not be the case for the next generation of women entrepreneurs, if we play our cards right.
When entrepreneurs are not able to find models of success in their personal lives, they turn to newspapers, trade journals, online resources and industry magazines. In response, traditional media outlets are increasingly highlighting female entrepreneurs, but not at equal rates in comparison to their male counterparts. Every business magazines has a Top Women in Business round-up each year hoping to even the playing field. Generally women are not given equal cover exposure and features attention as men are — something that may be attributable to the perception that women start fewer businesses in sexy, high-growth industries like hedge funds or high-tech, or lead companies that produce strong revenues that attract the interest of investors, journalists and magazines.
"Can't We Just Blame The Media?"
Sorry to say, but we cannot entirely blame the media on women's lack of exposure to adequate role models.
We women are also to blame.
One issue is the fact that when it comes to revenue, business women are grossly lagging behind men. When women aren't putting up the numbers, we don't hear about them. The amount of money your company brings in is still a very prominent definition of success.
In 2010, U.S. Census statistics showed that while women-owned businesses represented nearly half of all privately-held companies, the vast majority (about 75 percent) reached less than $50,000 in annual revenues.
That's barely enough to pay themselves a full-time salary. And if you live in New York City, San Francisco or another major metropolitan city, that will just about cover your rent and coffee expense.
When looking at companies that made more than one million dollars annually, female-owned companies only represented 2.6 percent compared to 6.0 percent of male-owned firms. Many people I interviewed noted that certain women are "lifestyle entrepreneurs" — someone who builds a business with the purpose of maintaining a certain way of life rather than strictly focusing on profits — which may explain the pithy financial returns. The Internet has allowed for a whole crop of people who fall into this category to launch profitable businesses, some of whom are, in fact, making over a million a year.
Nell Merlino may disagree that lifestyle entrepreneurs are the sole cause for these low revenue figures. Nell founded Count Me In, a not-for-profit resource for women looking to grow their micro business into a million dollar enterprise and is the original creative force behind Take Our Daughters to Work Day. In numerous interviews, she notes that the disparity in revenues is due to several factors, including low self-confidence, lack of available funding and poor hiring practices.
Nell's solutions? Women need to think bigger – much bigger.
One example she often uses to illustrate her point involves a tasty sweet treat. Nell recommends that if you own a cupcake business, instead of looking to open another store, you should be looking to see how you can be the main provider of cupcakes to Starbucks.
That's big thinking. And Nell is on a mission to help women do just that through her Make Mine a Million $ Business program that helps small business women grow their revenues to a million or more annually.
Although they have great business ideas, many women think in smaller terms which, sadly, leads to smaller revenue numbers.
As we've seen, with small returns comes faint visibility — both in the media and in one's community. It's hard to locate role models when many make barely enough to cover their basic expenses.
The other reason that women role models are hard to find is that women tend to shrink from the spotlight and avoid tooting their own horns, favoring instead to put their heads down and work hard with the hope that they'll get a gold star for their work. Even the most confident women have a hard time speaking up about their accomplishments. Often we believe that if we do a good job, work hard, and produce a great product or service, we will be noticed and celebrated for our efforts.
But that assumption doesn't fly in the corporate world, and it definitely doesn't allow women to build sustainable businesses.
Why are women such notoriously poor self-promoters? From an early age, we hear from parents, teachers and society, "Don't be a show-off". We are taught that humility is a desirable quality for a lady, and that we ought to maintain this decorum both personally and professionally.
We've learned that showing off, bragging about our accomplishments or sharing our wins makes others feel uncomfortable. As the natural social creatures that women are, we are programmed to preserve the connections between ourselves and others. The female brain is literally wired for fitting in, which often gets in the way when we're running a business, pitching our products and services, or promoting ourselves.
In her pioneering book, The Female Brain, Dr. Louann Brizendine examines the role our brains play on our relationships, development and social-emotional behavior.
"From their earliest days, [girls] live most comfortably and happily in the realm of peaceful interpersonal connections. They prefer to avoid conflict because discord puts them at odds with their urge to stay connected, to gain approval and nurture."
Imagine how many women would shine in the world and be role models for others, if only we could learn to share our accomplishments without feeling that our actions would alienate others.
This is a two way street, though.
We have to share in our sister's wins without eye-rolling, gossiping, or thinking she's getting too big for her britches. We need to celebrate others and the risks they're taking on in the world so that we can in turn celebrate ourselves.
Why More Are Needed ... and Badly!
Role models play a valuable role in understanding where we are and where we want to be in the future. They enable us to know that what we're seeking is possible and attainable. When we're talking about doing something risky, such as launching a business, it's nice to know that others have already done it successfully. People are more likely to believe that certain things are possible if they see people who are similar to them accomplishing it.
Before we start something new:
We need to know that it can be done.
We need to know that we can do it, too.
Models of success not only give us the belief of what's possible, but through learning and observing what they did to accomplish this success, can further buoy our self-confidence. They can also fast-track our own success as we learn to recognize and maneuver the challenges and obstacles that may lay ahead of us.
When you begin the journey of business ownership, you realize quickly that with this change in your daily life, finances, and time, your identity is quickly shifting and changing as well. Previously, you may have been a top dog in your company and regularly recognized for your accomplishments. You were associated with a particular title and function, such as 'Vice President of Marketing,' 'Senior Scientist,' 'Nurse,' 'Senior Sales Director' or 'Managing Partner.' Leaving those titles behind — along with the accolades, perks, benefits and a regular paycheck that come with them — can feel like a huge hit to your ego. You are out on your own — usually doing it alone. You are now wearing lots of hats, and not all of them very glamourous. You feel like you've tossed everything you are familiar with out the window and are starting your life over from scratch. It's a heavy feeling, and one that's tinged with feelings of uncertainty, fear and self-doubt.
Studies have shown that role models play a valuable role in helping form one's self-concept, which is especially important during a major transition such as this. If you're afraid that looking to more accomplished women will make you feel worse about yourself, don't worry; it has been shown that if you're goal includes "self-improvement," the positive impact of role models overwhelmingly outweighs their potential for negative comparisons.
