The time is overdue for a step by step guide to teach women how to get the material things they really want from men. Courtship and chivalry are at an all-time low; just listen to most of today's pop music and watch the videos and movies; where is the love? Today you will set your own rules and forget everything you were taught to believe about love and life. Instead, you will learn how to divorce yourself from your emotions in order to acquire the material things you want from men. From chapter to chapter you will learn every skill, technique, and secret that has successfully worked for other women and it can work for you. This book is a guilty pleasure to the most independent woman because even she will benefit from this information. Enjoy!

Women! Get The Material Things You Really Want From Men

A straight forward guide for women who are fed up with seeking love and relationshipsBy Dema Shamel

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2010 Dema Shamel
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4401-6688-4

Contents

Chapter One Know Yourself....................................................1Chapter Two What Do You Want?................................................15Chapter Three How Do You Go About Getting It?................................29Chapter Four Learn the Man and What You Are Dealing With.....................45Chapter Five How to Get Rid Of It And Still Have It All......................63Chapter Six Moving On........................................................79Chapter Seven Success........................................................95

Chapter One

Know Yourself

If you don't know yourself, who does? What makes you happy? Draw a vertical line down the center of a piece of paper. Write on the left side of the line what makes you happy, and write what makes you sad on the right side of the page.

Of course, your list might be broad, so circle the things that affect you personally and are dear to you. I know you might want to solve world hunger, but does that affect you in your everyday life?

Now cross out the things that you wrote down on both lists that you have no control over. For example, you have no control over the size of your feet (unless you are interested in the ancient Chinese method of binding them). Once you have an idea of who you are, you will have a better chance of finding out what you want.

The list of your "happies" and "saddies" might become longer or shorter over time, so you might want to refer back to it periodically, or do this exercise twice a year for inventory purposes if the list is too long. If your list is too short, you might give it further thought for a couple of days before you move forward.

What is your personality like? Some people are really outgoing or shy or have a combination of different personality traits. You'll find that if you are really outgoing, you might be attracted to someone less outgoing than you.

When evaluating men, you should focus more on their personalities rather than on their physical appearance. If you develop feelings for a man, you will likely find him more handsome. You know the old saying, "Love is blind"? There is truth to that, but trust me, you don't want to be a blind fool. I am not saying that you should go out and find a great guy who is unattractive; why not find a great guy with a personality that fits well with most of the things that make you happy?

When meeting a man, ask questions and talk about things that you wrote down on your happy and sad list (do not tell him about this list). His responses to your questions will help you decide if he is a keeper or not. If you find yourself checking off more things from your sad list during a conversation with a guy, then he's probably not the one you're looking for.

For example, if you have nothing in common with a guy, he should be relegated to your sad list, but if he is in sync with most of your opinions and beliefs, he should be considered a compatible guy and placed on your happy list. The happy-list guy is a keeper, and the sad-list guy is a waste of your time.

When creating this list, remember to be specific, but be careful not to overdo it. Keep the list direct, and do not create or imagine things that might make you happy or sad. Only write what you are certain of, and be honest with yourself.

While you will go by their responses and your instincts to help you find a man, there is truly no way to cookie cut it. You must get a feel for a guy to see if he responds to the things that make you happy or sad. If he feels the same way as you do about the things that make you happy and sad, then he might be the guy to give you what you want. You are merely looking at a general blueprint of these guys that will help you with your final determination of where they fall on your list.

Don't forget that he will be checking you out as well. Men look for and admire certain qualities and personality traits in women. By possessing these qualities and personality traits, you might have a greater chance of getting what you want more quickly, because these qualities fascinate and intrigue men. These are some attributes that men usually find attractive in women:

Energy-Men love women with good vibes and lots of energy. If a man compliments you on your energy, you are doing something right. It's very common for a guy to say, "You have nice eyes," and "I love your lips," but he is paying close attention to your personality if he says he likes your energy and compliments you on it rather than just complimenting your physical appearance.

Sexiness-Women can be sexy in many ways. Men might find women sexy in anything from a hot nightgown to a tank top and boy shorts, but real sexiness comes from within. A woman can be in her late 60s and still be sexy as hell. It's not all about age.

Easygoing attitude-A man will run to a woman who is calm and cool and not naggy or bitchy. He will think of her when he needs a friend or someone to confide in. Do not think this woman is gullible or nave; this one usually has a plan and knows what she is doing.

Intelligence-A woman doesn't have to be a rocket scientist to attract a man, but she needs to think fast and be able to speak on just about any subject ranging from world news to pop culture. This lady is very knowledgeable and sharp and will teach you a thing or too. She will invest at least a few hours a week in reading and learning what is going on in the world.

Warning! This is not about how many degrees a woman possesses or her level of education. Do not bore a man with stories about you, you, you, and your degrees. He is interested in your personality and his physical attraction to you. Also, if it applies, let this person know that you are interested in some kind of business, education, etc. Most businessmen will be impressed and might offer you some insight and maybe mentor you or refer someone to help you. He might want to take you under his wing.

Gratitude-Always say please and thank you. It's a no-brainer, but believe it or not, some women do not say it. Make politeness a way of life. Men already like to feel needed. Allow him to feel appreciated.

Confidence-This probably should be at the top of the list. There is nothing more powerful than a woman who is naturally comfortable in her skin. You don't have to be high maintenance or be constantly looking in the mirror. This woman just knows she has it together. It's in her walk, talk, and attitude.

Submissiveness-No, this doesn't refer to S&M, this is about letting a man feel like a man. Let him feel like he is the big guy every now and then, and I am sure you'll be rewarded. Independent women get so caught up in doing things for themselves, that a lot of times they forget that they are ladies first and will resist when a man just wants to open the door for them.

Humor-Laughter is the key to everyone's soul, including a man's. Being funny means being sexy and clever and not necessarily a stand-up comedian. A woman should be playful and flirty and have a funny story or two that's not too "I'm hanging out with the boys"-ish. For example, if a guy compliments how beautiful you are, sexy/playfully say, "I know." He'll light up, but be ready for a sexy and flirty comeback, and always end the exchange by letting him know that you're joking and appreciate the compliment.

Decisiveness-If a man gives you an opportunity to tell him what you want, do not pass it up due to indecisiveness. If you are a smart woman, you should know that a lot of quality men are businessmen, and if you don't seal the deal, another dealmaker will.

Practice saying in your head or write down on paper what you want from men. Prepare yourself for any question you think you might hear from any of them. Make sure you know what you want for your birthday, Christmas, where you want to travel, what are your favorite restaurants, (all the questions guys ask or you wish they would ask). Just be prepared, or you might lose your opportunity to tell him again.

Independence-Never appear to be too available, needy, or clingy. It's a definite turn off. Act as though you need to pencil him in or check your schedule without sounding like a complicated prude who is way too busy for him. Have hobbies and spend time with family and friends, and of course, other guys. It's OK to create illusions; just make sure they aren't too farfetched.

Refrain from appearing desperate, and remember that if you put all your eggs in one basket, you might become emotionally attached. You should focus on your own personal life goals and dreams. Protect yourself so that you only give 80% of yourself and save20% to insure your sanity.

Spending most of your time dating one guy might make you feel emotionally attached, and it can get ugly, ladies. I feel pretty confident that most women have been there at least once. Why would you want to go back there again? Getting what you want from men is not about you being emotionally attached to them.

Patience-Although men are really persistent and might try faster than you can say the word "sex" to have sex with you, they will respect you more in the long run if you don't submit to them right away. Keep in mind that you want to keep this guy around for the long haul, so be smart and dangle your jewel like it is candy in front of a baby. Remember to always be responsible for your actions, don't take yourself too seriously, and have fun. Imagine yourself as a sexy, fearless, spontaneous, mysterious, and interesting woman that all men desire.

If you don't believe it, who will? Feel sexy and walk around town and watch the reactions of men around you. Hell, watch the reactions of women, too. If you are seriously feeling sexy, you will exude it, and people will notice.

Take a moment and think about sucking a lemon. Do you start to feel your mouth water because you know the familiar, sour taste of a lemon? When you think of going on a sunny, relaxing vacation, do you already see the sandy beaches? You want to be thought of as a wonderful vacation, not as a sour lemon.

What do you think are your best assets? If you aren't working them, you need to start today. If friends or strangers compliment your legs, helloooo, show off those legs. Wear the minis, stretch pants, and jeans to show off and accent your shape. Every woman possesses beauty, no matter what God gave her. She just has to know what that is and work it.

If you have hang-ups, get over them. We already crossed out the things we have no control over, so cross them out of your thoughts. If you need to lose weight, what are you waiting for? Nurture your body with exercise. Release tension while sculpting your muscles. You can do a variety of exercises, from Pilates to weight training, and most importantly, cardio. Save money by purchasing workout videos and exercising at home.

Local recreational centers might have low-cost memberships that allow you access to workout equipment. When you exercise regularly and watch what you eat, you'll look and feel great. You'll release endorphins, and if you know anything about endorphins, you know about releasing happy juice. It relieves stress, gives us energy,(for guys to compliment) and along with a healthy diet, it creates wellness.

Diets are interesting. I will not go on and on about which ones to try, but I will suggest that you stay away from the trendy ones. Most of us can control our eating habits and physical activity to achieve our fitness goals. Visit mypyramid.org or speak to a nutritionist for more information on nutrition.

Once you have control over your life, stay clear of the things that make you sad and look toward the things that make you happy. I don't know about you, but I would rather be walking around with a smile on my face than a frown any day. In order for someone to think you are great, you have to think it first, and you have to mean it. Don't get caught up in false feelings and negative thoughts about yourself.

You deserve something wonderful, and a lot of women allow men to treat them poorly instead of like the jewels that they are, because of negative feelings, negative self-image, self-esteem issues, and insecurities. Please do not allow magazines and other air-brushed delusions to negatively affect your thoughts about self-love and beauty.

When you don't believe you are a star, you can find yourself in unhealthy relationships, battling promiscuity, settling for what you don't want, and being unhappy. You can have all the money in the world, or be with a guy who has all the money in the world, but if you aren't at peace with yourself, you could be one of the unhappiest people in the world.

Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love yourself. Repeat some positive affirmations and mean them. This will boost your self-esteem, even if you possess a lot of it already. This book is about how to get what you want from men, but everything begins with you, so right now you need to concentrate on getting what you want from yourself, and that's the start of a positive outlook.

Have a spiritual routine or ritual. Whatever keeps you centered, practice it. Center yourself, and develop a spiritual routine so that you will harmoniously have balance and stability. If you do not have a healthy spiritual regimen, you might find yourself feeling all over the place, inconsistent, and/or unbalanced. When you're unbalanced, you appear to be a little wishy-washy, and that's not healthy.

You should be an emotionally, spiritually stable woman on the right track to healthiness. You should know who you are, you should love yourself, and you should be confident in yourself. This is the beginning of developing your new way of life. Set spiritual goals and live up to them. If you are involved in spirituality already, good for you. You are one step closer to knowing who you are. If you are slacking and haven't focused on spirituality in a while, pick it back up. It's harder than it sounds, but have faith in yourself. You can do it.

The way you carry yourself affects the kind of men you attract, with a few exceptions. In order to keep them interested, you should appear to have yourself together, or they will not be all that into you once they find out that you aren't stable. If you want to attract quality, you must possess it.

Review the happy and sad list you completed at the beginning of this chapter, and refer to it if you feel a little unsure about yourself. Feel free to read this chapter again if you need more motivation. Once you identify the areas where you need improvement, fix them right away and don't procrastinate.

The happies and saddies exercise is intended to make you to think about what you want and enjoy in life. Do not make a long list of things that you look for in a man. Men that you meet and date must qualify for your happy list and should be eliminated if they have more in common with your sad list. When meeting and dating men, the goal is to assess their personality traits and to make sure that they share some of the same interests that you have on your happies list and to eliminate anyone who has too much in common with your sad list.

Get rid of all baggage and put away any negative past experiences. Know your worth, concentrate on the things that matter, and start taking control of your life by knowing and loving yourself. Once you start that process, you will develop confidence from within. You will have emotional stability, and people around you will notice a positive change in your behavior. Trust yourself when making these adjustments. You must believe that you are special and beautiful, no matter what.

Take a look at the traits that turn men on, and look inside and think about what traits you have. Pretending to be someone you aren't isn't the way to go. You don't have to have all of these traits, but I guarantee that if you possess at least two of them, you will be okay.

How do you look? Let's take a look at the way you wear your hair. Maybe it's time for a new'do. You can go to your local beauty school if you are on a tight budget and can't afford salon prices. Some of these students are very good at styling hair and are monitored by instructors. Check out hairstyle magazines or ask the stylist what he or she thinks would work for you if you can't decide. If you see a stylist doing a great job while you are waiting, ask him or her to do your hair. When you are out and you see a woman or girl with a great look, ask her who did her hair.

Make an appointment for a free makeup consultation and ask the makeup artist how to highlight your features in ways you might have never tried or might have forgotten. You don't have to be Tammy Faye Bakker, but a little makeup can enhance your natural beauty.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Women! Get The Material Things You Really Want From Menby Dema Shamel Copyright © 2010 by Dema Shamel. Excerpted by permission.
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