The human mind is inherently free. It neither affirms nor denies. It is not constrained by the conflict of the opposites, like right and wrong or self and others. An awakened mind knows that the dynamic unity between self and others forms part of an integrated whole. Having direct knowledge of this mind brings profound peace. The teachings of the Buddha point the way to acquire this knowledge through direct personal experience.

In this intriguing and enlightening collection of stories, three Zen students reflect on their personal journeys and share how their lives subsequently transformed because of the practice. Under the direction of Zen Master Kido Inoue, they share their doubts, their difficulties, their amazement, and the transformations that they experienced in their lives. The ultimate aim of Zen is to break out of the constraints of ego and have direct personal experience of the absolute infinity of our being. It is to awaken to the truth of our nature beyond the ego. In a nutshell, Zen focuses on the essence of mind.

ZAZEN

THE WAY TO AWAKENINGBy KIDO INOUE

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2011 Kido Inoue
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4502-7737-2

Contents

FOREWORD..............................................................................................ixINTRODUCTION: "WHAT IS ZEN?" BY KIDO INOUE............................................................xiMY SEARCH FOR SELF-LIBERATION — BY: HISANORI JYURAKU............................................1DISCOVERING MY DIAMOND LIFE — BY: AZUSA KAKENO..................................................33THE RECORD OF ZEN PRACTICE: A SCIENTIST EXPERIENCE — BY: ATSUNOBU TOMOMATSU.....................83APPENDIX TO THE RECORD OF ZEN: A SCIENTIST EXPERIENCE.................................................147EPILOGUE — AWAKENING TO THE ULTIMATE TRUTH — BY: KIDO INOUE...............................159GLOSSARY OF ZEN BUDDHIST TERMS........................................................................163CONTACT ADDRESS.......................................................................................165

Chapter One

MY SEARCH FOR SELF-LIBERATION

* * *

Hisanori Jyuraku High school teacher / born in 1942

I was forty years old, and a high school teacher, when I first stepped into the Zen temple, Kaizoji, one summer holiday. The students' photography club, to which I was an adviser, had organized a summer workshop at Kaizoji. One of the club members happened to be the daughter of the Zen master who had made the temple available for the workshop. This was how my first encounter with Zen began.

Until that time, not only had I no interest in religion, rather, I believed religion could have a poisoning effect like drugs, inviting anti-social behavior, and misleading people who are incapable of rational thinking. Though my impression of Zen was vague, it did not quite fall into the category of such religions.

Thus, one hot summer night, I sat meditating for the first time in my life with my students in this small Zen temple. I was slightly nervous. Burning incense, combined with the dim candlelight illuminating the Buddha statue, created a religious atmosphere.

Our Roshi, or Zen teacher, looked relatively young, perhaps in his early forties. Wearing luminous white robes overlaid with a diaphanous black robe, he spoke with that fullness of spirit that can come only from someone who knows from personal experience what he is talking about. It was a refreshing experience and left me with a sense of peace, although I could not comprehend many of the things he touched on. They were way beyond what we usually talk about in daily life.

Roshi said, "The whole purpose of zazen is `just sitting'. You focus on your being, just sitting in this very moment. Zazen is a practice to become awakened as your Original Self. It is through this awareness that you see truth, hear truth, and think truth; in other words, you embrace life as it truly is. There is an oneness between your Original Self and truth. The Original Self is free from vanity, malice, hypocrisy, lust and self-pity. This is the path of self-liberation and enlightenment. Since ancient times, thousands of path-seekers have dedicated their lives to finding their Original Self. This search is the most rewarding pursuit there is. Up to now you might not have been fully aware of the Original Self within yourself, but now you can know its presence. Start your practice right this moment. Apply yourself to find this Original Self through becoming one with your breathing. Forget yourself through being totally in the moment."

As Roshi revealed the essence of Zen to me for the first time, I understood far more clearly why I had this vague impression that Zen did not quite fit into the ordinary category of religion. Roshi gave us a technique for sitting, or zazen. "The key to experiencing no-self is to be one with each inhalation and exhalation. If you can do this, you can penetrate the root of all your suffering." Following his instruction, I made an all-out effort to sit.

It dawned on me much later that even though I thought I was doing zazen with determination, my effort was inconsequential. My mind kept spinning with busy thoughts. Time went by extremely slowly because my mind was restless. I tried to concentrate on breathing, but not a single breath was free from thoughts. The restlessness of my mind was not because of zazen it happened all the time in daily life.

After the meditation, I purposely did not set time aside with my students to discuss their impression of zazen, although this would usually be beneficial. But I thought it would be better for them to keep their experiences at the temple to themselves.

A few days later, I visited Kaizoji with my high-school colleague, Mr. Waki, to thank Roshi for his assistance during the workshop. Roshi introduced us to Mr. Kozumi, who also happened to be visiting. Mr. Kozumi sat with a beautiful straight posture, and spoke clearly and confidently about his recent experience of sesshin, an intensive schedule of zazen and physical work. He impressed me as a vivacious, good man. He told us he had only just reached the gateway to Zen; he described the unfolding process of his mind during zazen, the bliss and wonder of being in the moment. "At times I thought I might go mad. Here I was stepping into a totally unknown world all alone. I was visited by delusion after delusion. In the end, I no longer knew who I was. I had no choice but to believe in Roshi's words and keep on trying 'to be one with my breathing.' In my business I almost went bankrupt twice, but I tell you, it was nothing compared with the agony I went through in zazen." Mr. Kozumi was very open about the most trying moments of his practice, so I could see how zazen had demanded that he go beyond his limits. I was enthralled by this insight into Zen practice. It opened up a new world for me.

Mr. Kozumi's sincere respect for Roshi was evident in his every gesture and word, quite different from cosmetic politeness or courtesy. In his forties, he was at the peak of his business career, a competent man with a high social profile. I said to myself, 'What was it that turned Mr. Kozumi on?' If what I was observing was authentic, Roshi must surely have some astounding quality to attract respect from people. Still, I was not sure what was so special about him.

Mr. Kozumi's direct experience of zazen was so convincing that I no longer had any excuse to run away from Zen. So, I made a decision on the spot to practice zazen. As I reflect now, it was Mr. Kozumi's enthusiasm and self-assurance that gave me the courage to overcome my anxiety; without him, I do not think I could have been so decisive. It is wonderful how a personal encounter can act as a catalyst to spark off experiences totally beyond one's imagination.

Roshi said, "If you want zazen for a hobby, you had better go somewhere else. If you come to me, you had better be serious and ready to meditate around the clock."

According to Mr. Kozumi, "The first three days were hell; I wept every day. It was too painful. Frankly I wished someone could have sent me a fake telegram saying that a member of my family had died, and that I needed to leave this place."

These comments made me nervous. Could I endure sesshin? But now that the date was set between the seventeenth and twenty-fourth of August, I did not want to stop halfway. I wanted to get something out of this experience.

I started to practice zazen at home, as I still had a week before the sesshin. I tried to focus my mind on a single point, thus hopefully avoiding any diffusion of attention. I tried, as advised by Roshi, to concentrate on this very moment of inhalation and exhalation and hold on to it. I tried in vain. Still, one hour of zazen was refreshing.

My wife and two children were baffled; they must have sensed the intense energy around me when I was meditating, but they seemed to respect the space I needed.

First Day

On the seventeenth of August at 1:00 p.m. I arrived at Kaizoji. Roshi and Kaizoji are there to guide people on the path. I, too, was coming to this temple for the single purpose of finding my Original Self. I braced myself for the journey.

As usual, Roshi served a cup of green tea when I arrived.

Although it was a hot day, I did not feel the heat. There was neither noise nor tranquility. The only thing I felt was this indefinable tension about setting out into an unknown world. I was the only one in the zendo. Roshi looked at me with piercing eyes, and spoke with tremendous passion and energy about the purpose of zazen and the way to practice it.

"The purpose of zazen is enlightenment. Enlightenment is attaining true liberation of mind by removing blockages. Life reveals its meaning when one can act in harmony with the truth and gain deep satisfaction from it. Life is not worthwhile if one cannot act in harmony with the truth and gain true satisfaction from it.

What blocks the mind? Blockages are your ego, your superiority or inferiority complex, your false self-image, opinions, and the ideas you are holding onto. They affect your perception; they hamper you from experiencing this immediate present and living in its fullness. These blockages will trip you up anytime. Do not allow any space for them. Concentrate on the moment in your zazen, and you will eventually surrender your body and mind and fuse with the experience of zazen. Where are your blockages then? They are all gone.

What is the practice for if you come out of darkness and go back into darkness again? Practice without strong aspiration will not endow you with the spiritual strength to stem the roots of your attachments and often ends up in the mere pursuit of a cosmetic lifestyle. Above anything else, you must work on your spiritual salvation first. Focus on attaining and then sustaining a state of mind without any thoughts, fantasies, or needs. Zen practice asks you to be totally focused in each moment, whatever you do. Do not divert your attention from what you are doing, be it sitting, standing, walking or sleeping. Train yourself to just be the moment with the precision of one-hundredth of a second. When you learn to focus on one breath, then the next breath and the next, your busy mind will start to quiet down, and eventually you can simply be in whatever you do, moment by moment. When you leave reasoning behind and are at ease with the very moment, the Original Self starts to emerge. This Original Self is free and spontaneous without any restraints. Be absolutely serious and concentrate on each breath. In the end, it becomes clear that there is nothing else other than the present moment.

When your feet are hurting, change your zazen position. When you cannot resist dozing off, have a sleep. If you are strongly committed to seek your Original Self, you will wake up refreshed after sleep. Apply yourself. Make an all-out effort."

His guidance was thorough, though I only came to appreciate Roshi's teaching capacity much later. Roshi is capable of empowering any student to step onto the path of Zen as long as the student trusts him and practices under his guidance.

I thought I had full trust in Roshi and accepted his guidance without any hesitation. In retrospect, I must admit I only listened to and accepted a fraction of Roshi's teachings, let alone understood them. What I thought I understood at that time had either the wrong focus, was too superficial, or was a gross misinterpretation. In short, I was screening his teaching through my own preconceived ideas and listened only to what I wanted to hear.

Following his instruction, I wore kimono and hakama, a pleated skirt for kimono; this made me feel more inspired to start zazen. Worldly desires, attachments, and sloth already seemed remote.

"There might be some visitors coming into the zendo. You can politely ignore them and concentrate all your attention so you do not get distracted." Having said that, Roshi disappeared. I was left feeling both abandoned and relieved at the same time.

I was not ready to start zazen right away. I walked around on the tatami mat and then lay down. I was waiting for something to happen next, just like being on a train and waiting for it to leave the station. About thirty minutes went idly by. I grew increasingly unsettled.

The moment I stepped into the zendo, I should have started zazen immediately. In reality, I wasted thirty minutes till enough tension rose to push myself into doing what I had come here for. This was pathetic. Unless I grew out of this slackness, there was no way I would find my Original Self and live an enhanced life.

At last I was ready to apply myself seriously. I lit a stick of incense and sat right in front of the Buddha statue. Initially I tried to place my attention on the breath passing through my throat; then I remembered that Roshi did not recommend this. So I tried to focus my attention on breathing and breathing only. Concentration on the moment was not easy. My mind drifted away, and thoughts started to run amok. Even worse, I got caught up in them and it took me a long while to realize my lapses in attention. I kept telling myself, 'Go back to the present moment. Concentrate on breathing', but soon my mind was distracted again. The process of bringing my attention back to the breathing was repeated endlessly.

The fact was that nothing helped bring the present moment under control. Willpower, aspiration, resolution, knowledge, all these things I should have been able to count on, had no direct impact. In spite of my meticulous effort, my mind could not stay with 'just breathing' even for a second. I knew this stage full well through my preliminary practice at home. All beginners go through this stage; so I did not have to be disappointed with my performance. The first day had gone by without my getting the knack of zazen. I woke up frequently that night; I could not sleep well.

Second Day

I woke up charged at 4:00 a.m., and this time was ready to do zazen. My pursuit of the present moment seemed more smooth this morning. While I was more poised, incoherent thought after thought kept raging through my mind with great vigor. Not only did they emerge, but I almost drowned in them. Thoughts kept attacking me with their kaleidoscopic forms and appearances, leaving me not even a moment for a breathing spell. Desire and emotions took control of my mind completely. I could appreciate how Zen practice at this stage was a battle; my mind would either fall prey to illusory thoughts and emotions or it would stand firm and fight them off to establish a sense of my Original Self.

"Remember Zen practice is geared to focus the mind in the present moment." Roshi's words were an illuminating guidepost, pointing in the right direction. I kept them close to my heart to bring my attention back to just breathing, here and now. Had I not had his words as a reminder, I do not think I would have even noticed my mind was being distracted by thoughts and emotions.

Roshi seemed to know exactly when to turn up in the zendo. I was starting to feel weary, and there he was to give me some encouragement. "You must never ever back off in the struggle against attachments to the small self. You must be in power instead of letting them control you. Otherwise, practicing zazen means nothing. Practice being the present moment completely. The present moment is eternity. All we have forever is this very moment; thus, eternity is made up of now and only now. This immediate moment is clearly distinct from the immediate past and future. However, when the boundary between them is blurred, you are blocked from your Original Self. Drop the past and future; rid yourself even of the immediate past and future. Then the Original Self unfolds and can fully function in the present so that whatever you are doing, you can be totally mindful. The Original Self is without any confusion and self-doubt; it leaves no space for anything but meticulous attention to the present moment.

We get so caught up with our attachments to memory, opinions and judgments that we can no longer distinguish our entangled mind from the Original Self, and we suffer with our own delusions, clouding the clarity of just being here and now. This happens all the time; when it does, go back immediately to focus your mind on the moment, through your breath, and thus sever any thoughts of the past and future. Direct experience of the present lifts you beyond suffering, and your mind is restored to its original freedom and luminosity."

Roshi kept giving me encouraging suggestions to bring my mind back to the present; his remarks motivated me to apply myself harder. To be honest, I could never have imagined that just being in the present could be so difficult. It was an insurmountable challenge to go beyond noisy thoughts; thoughts continued to rush through my mind. I was out of sorts, disappointed, and ready to quit. Somehow, I managed to hang in there. With my mind quieting down, I became more aware of each physical movement I made. I was also more aware of the loving care of Roshi's wife in preparing each meal, and was able to feel that her food was nourishing my life.

The toilet happened to be at the corner of the main hall. I had to pass by Roshi's room to get there. As I walked along the corridor, I concentrated on each step, leaving no space for thoughts to sneak in. Still, Roshi shouted at me from his open room. "You are not being mindful with your steps. Pay a hundred times more attention to each step!"

(Continues...)

Excerpted from ZAZENby KIDO INOUE Copyright © 2011 by Kido Inoue. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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