Rob loughran (40 risultati)
Rosebud (Volume 2, Issue 2; Summer 1995)
Rod Clark (Editor); Rob Loughran; Donna Hilbert; Allen Plone; Desire Vail; Janet Goldberg; Janice Levy; Sue Silvermarie; Arlene L. Mandell; Doug Crawford; Diana Sherman Kash; Kathy Allison Johndon; Dawn Lionetti-Watson; John E. Smelcer; Crawdad Nelson; Len Messineo Jr.; Laura Waterman; Elaine Romero; John Lehman
Lingua: Inglese
Editore: Rosebud, Inc., Cambridge, WI, 1995
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Da: The Shop Around The Corner, Elgin, IL, U.S.A.The Shop Around The Corner
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Soft cover. Condizione: Very Good. No Jacket. s3e 7"x10"; 134 pages; The binding and pages are clean, tight and square. There is no underlining, highlighting or margin notes. A used copy with normal reading wear. If you order multiple titles, I will combine them in order to reduce postage costs. If you have any questions, contac…t me before ordering for details. Rosebud is organized as an anthology magazine featuring fiction, non-fiction, short stories, essays, poetry and featured art, sometimes reviews, as well as behind-the-scenes insights from writers, artists and poets on their creative process. This issue contains the following: "Peaches" by Rob Loughran; "At Thirteen I Met Holden" by Donna Hilbert; "The Cowboy of My Heart" by Allen Plone; "The Manager's Cocktail Party" by Desire Vail; "The Prank" by Janet Goldberg; "We Fit Just Right" by Janice Levy; "Mumma's Voice" by Sue Silvermarie; "Catching the 7:20" by Arlene L. Mandell; "Idle Hands" by Doug Crawford; "Happily Ever After" by Diana Sherman Kash; "The Rudiments of Rutabagas" by Kathy Allison Johndon; "A Very Old Man" by Dawn Lionetti-Watson; "Late September on the Russian River"" by John E. Smelcer; "Poison Cloud" by Crawdad Nelson; "The Madonna Comes to Ventures Landing" by Len Messineo Jr.; "Balancing" by Laura Waterman; "Angel Kiss" by Elaine Romero; from "Change the Way You Write" by John Lehman. Cotton, Dan (Photography) (illustratore).
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Paperback. Condizione: As New. No Jacket. Pages are clean and are not marred by notes or folds of any kind. ~ ThriftBooks: Read More, Spend Less.
Altre immaginiLingua: Inglese
Editore: Dell Magazine, New York, 1998
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Da: Scene of the Crime, ABAC, IOBA, St. Catharines, ON, CanadaScene of the Crime, ABAC, IOBA
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Soft cover. Condizione: Near Fine. 1st Edition. First Edition, First Printing of this Double Issue of 21 Short Stories. Featured are The Archaeologist's Revenge by Janice Law, Not Enough Monkeys by Benjamin M Schutz, A Publisher's Dream by Phil Lovesey, The Vista O'Shea, Recipe Secrets by Joan Richter, Medium Rare by Bill Pronzi…ni, Con by Margaret Logan The Coincidence by Celia Fremlin, A Week Excuse for Murder by Rob Loughran, Stainless Steal by Mark Grenier, The Starkworth Atrocity by Edward D Hoch, Blues for Julie and Diz by Michael C Norton, Getting Things Done by Jan Gleiter, The Colossus of Lilliput by James Powell, The Hermit Genius of Marshville by Tom Tolnay, One Hundred Candles by Raymond Steiber, The Safest Little Town in Texas by Jeremiah Healy, The Secret by Eileen Dewhurst, Homecoming by Gerald Pearce, A Puzzle in Poesy by Mort W Elkind and The Mystery Crossword by Ruth Minary. Price sticker on front cover. Slight smudging on rear cover. In Near fine Condition.
Back Channels: A Quarterly Publication of Historical & Modern Espionage, Assassinations & Conspiracies Volume 3, No.4 May 1995
Kross, Peter; Melanson, Philip; loughran, Rob; Russell, Dick, Brown, Walt
Editore: Kross Research & Publication Services, Franklin Park, NJ, 1995
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Da: Oddball Books, Burbank, CA, U.S.A.Oddball Books
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Magazine. Condizione: Very Good. First Ediiton. The cover has the world RECEIVED and the date JUL 21 1995 stamped on the front Articles include - CASTRO ASSASSINATION PLOT DOCUMENT, UNCIVIL WRONGS: THE CIA & THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT IN THE 1960'S BY PHILIP MELANSON, REPORT ON PLOTS TO ASSASSINATE FIDEL CASTRO BY PETER KROSS, DE…CISION BEHIND THE DOOR BY ROB LOUGHRAN, THE PAISLEY TIE BY DICK RUSSELL, THE CP-USA SOLO DOCUMENTS REPORT BY PETER KROSS, OSWALD & NOSENKO: A STUDY IN CONTRATST BY WALT BROWN, EXPOSING THE CORUPT GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER BY GORDON BROWNE, OSWALD & THE WHITE HATE CONTELPRO BY STAN WEEBER.
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Paperback. Condizione: new. Paperback. "The man next to me is jacking off," said the blonde to her girlfriend as they sat in the movie theater. "Ignore him." "I can't," said the blonde. "He's using my hand." How do we know that God isn't blonde? If she were, sperm would taste like chocolate. What are Vanna White's favorite conso…nants? North and South America. What do you call two blondes standing on either side of a friend with a broken leg? Support hos. Why'd the blonde get fired from the sperm bank? Drinking on the job Why'd the blond give up moose hunting? The decoys were too heavy. What is gross stupidity? 144 blondes. Why'd the blonde fail Biology? Instead of dissecting frogs she was busy opening flies. "What's the difference," the nun asked the class, "between fornication and adultery?" "I've tried both," said the blonde, "and actually they are pretty similar." "I don't know what you see in him," said the brunette, "he's just an everyday kind of guy." The blonde replied, "What more could you ask for?" Why aren't blondes pharmacists? Because they can't get those little bottles into the typewriters. Did you hear about the blonde admiral who wanted to be buried at sea? Three of his sons drowned digging the grave. The blonde went to the campus clinic and had the intern remove a wad of red wax from her belly button. "How ever," asked the intern, "did you acquire a lump of wax in your belly button?" "My boyfriend eats by candlelight." "What do you take for a sore throat?" one blonde asked a brunette. "I just suck on a Life Saver." "That's easy for you; you live at the beach." A coed reminiscing about her childhood asked her blonde roommate, "Did you play with jacks when you were little?" "Yes. And Paul's, Chuck's, Bobby's." A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walked into the women's locker room after a workout. Suddenly an erect cock protruded from a shower stall. The redhead said, "That's not my husband." The brunette said, "That's not my husband or my lover." The blonde said, "He's not even a member of this club." How did the boss know that his new secretary was a blonde? The white-out on the computer screen. Did you hear about the blonde who moved from California to Mississippi? She raised the IQ of both states. How'd the blonde hemophiliac die? She tried acupuncture. A blonde said to her analyst: "Every time I drink I end up in a three-way or a gang-fuck and I feel guilty about it for weeks." "It's obvious that you have to quit drinking." "Can't you just do something about the guilt?" At the New Year's Eve party one blonde said to the other, "If I'm not in bed by midnight I'm going home." A blonde goes to heaven and St. Peter says, "Cause of death?" "Herpes." "You don't die from herpes." "You do when you give it to Big Dave." What do blondes call underwear? Ankle warmers. Why do blondes have two sets of lips? So they can piss and moan at the same time. What do you call a blonde pulling off her pantyhose? Foreplay. What do you call a blonde with genital herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, and AIDS? An incurable romantic. Did you hear about the blonde who set her pussy on fire on the Fourth of July? She lit the fuse to her tampon. Did you hear about the blonde that went fishing with 14 guys? They all limited out; all she got was a red snapper. Why'd the blonde spend 20 minutes staring at the orange juice carton? Because it said Concentrate. An American blonde in France is raped by a gang of twelve men. The local police chief is shocked and embarrassed and says, "We will, madam, apprehend all twelve suspects." "Don't bother," she says. "Just get number two, number seven and number nine." "Mother?" asked the new bride, "how can I make my new husband happy?" "Love," said the mother, "can be a beautiful bond between two people who respect each other's needs." I know how to fuck, mom," said the girl. "I want you to teach me how to make meatloaf." Many Shipping may be from our UK warehouse or from our Australian or US warehouses, depending on stock availability.
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Paperback. Condizione: new. Paperback. A young woman enters the confessional and says, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Last night I made love to a complete stranger seven times." "Go home and squeeze the juice of seven lemons into a small glass and drink it down as quickly as you can." "Will that wash away my sins?" No, but… it will take that smile off your face." Why don't Baptists fuck standing up? They're afraid it might lead to dancing. Three men arrive at the Pearly Gates at the same time and St. Peter says, "Religion?" "Methodist." "Door six, but be quiet as you pass door four." To the second man: "Religion?" "Jewish." "Door seven, but be quiet as you pass door four." To the third: "Religion?" "Hindu." "Door two, but be quiet as you pass door four." "Why do you tell everyone to be quiet passing door four?" "That's the Evangelical Christian door and they think they are the only ones up here." On the seventh day God sat back, admiring his creation. "I think it's perfect," he said to the angel Gabriel. "Not quite perfect, my Lord," said Gabriel. "How so?" "Shouldn't the humans have differing sets of genitalia just like the animals?" God pondered for a moment. Then he said, "You're absolutely right. I think I'll give the dumb one a cunt." What's the difference between a circumcision and a crucifixion? With a crucifixion they throw away the entire Jew. What's the best way to make God laugh? Tell her all your plans. During her prayers one night a teacher asked God why there was so much violence in American schools. A light shone into her bedroom and a voice boomed: "I don't know. I'm not allowed in American schools." Why did Mary Magdalene want to have sex with Jesus? She wanted to experience his Second Coming. Why do guys attend church Sunday mornings after sowing their wild oats on Saturday nights? To pray for crop failure. A man walks into a bar and orders a glass of chardonnay. "Here's a new joke," he says to the bartender, "two Jews are walking down the street-" "I'm Jewish," says the bartender, "and I'm tired of hearing Jewish jokes. Pick on some other religion." "Okay. Two Buddhists are walking down the street. One says to the other, 'So there we were, at my nephew's bar mitzvah.'" Sister Donna asked her fifth grade class, what they wanted to be when they grew up. Suzie said, "I'd like to be a doctor." Bobby said, and "I want to be a policeman." Leslie said, "I'm going to be a prostitute." The shocked nun said, "What did you say?" "I'm going to be a prostitute," said Leslie. "Well, thank God," said the nun. "I thought you said you're going to be a Protestant." How do Catholics make money on hot summer days? They freeze Holy Water and sell them as Pope-sickles. A man says to his Rabbi, "I think my wife is trying to serve me poisoned Passover cake." "I'll talk with her," says the Rabbi. "Thank you." The next day the Rabbi calls, "I talked to your wife for three hours and I know exactly what you should do." "What's that?" "Eat the cake." Adolf Hitler asks his astrologer, "When will I die?" "On a Jewish Holiday." "Why a Jewish holiday?" "Any day you die will be a Jewish holiday." Father Murphy hears a knock on the door at midnight. He gets up, opens the door, but doesn't see anyone. Then he looks down and sees two little leprechauns. "Good evening Father. I have a question for you." "Fine." "Do you have any leprechaun nuns in the parish?" asks a leprechaun. "No we don't." "How long have you, yourself been a priest?" "Forty years." "In that 40 year time span, have you yourself ever seen or heard of a leprechaun nun?" "No I haven't." One leprechaun turned to the other and says, "We'll just have to face it Clancy. We just fucked a couple of penguins." Adam was so lonely that he asked the Lord for a mate. The Lord said, "For the perfect companion, compatible in every way, it'll cost you an arm and a leg." Adam said, "What can I get for a ri Shipping may be from our UK warehouse or from our Australian or US warehouses, depending on stock availability.
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Paperback. Condizione: new. Paperback. "Can I," Dirty Johnny asked his mother, "have some money for candy?" "What happened to the five-dollar allowance I give you every Saturday?" asked mom. "I've been giving it to the old homeless man in the park." Mom is so proud of her son. His charity and giving spirit; his humanity. She ope…ns her wallet and hands him a five dollar bill. "I'm very proud of you Johnny, sharing the way you have been. But this money you keep for yourself. If you continue giving money to the homeless they'll never get a job." "But this homeless guy has a job." "Really? What does he do?" "Every Saturday morning, for five dollars, he sucks my cock." The sex-education teacher drew a penis on the blackboard and asked the class, "does anybody know what this is?" Dirty Johnny stands up and says, "It's a cock. My dad has two of them." "Your father has two penises?" asked the teacher. "Yeah. The little one he pisses out of and the big one he uses to brush the babysitter's teeth." A pit bull chased Dirty Johnny up a tree. The owner came by and said, "Sorry kid. I was bringing him to the vet's to have his balls snipped. The operation will calm him down, this will never happen again." "I have a better idea, asshole," said Johnny. "Why don't you remove his teeth? I could see from a block away he wasn't going to fuck me." Dirty Johnny calls up the principal and says, "I'm sick and can't come to school today." "Johnny," asks the principal, "how sick are you?" "I just," says Johnny, "fucked my grandma up the ass is that sick enough for you?" "Okay class," says the teacher, "I'm going through the alphabet and I'm going to call on someone for the letters a, b, c, and so on. When called upon, say a word that starts with that letter then use that word in a sentence." Immediately, Dirty Johnny's hand is in the air but the teacher can't call on him because he'll say ass, then bitch, cunt, damn, excrement, fuck, goddam, horseshit, intercourse, jackin' off etc. Finally she gets to z. There's no swear word that starts with z. so she calls on Dirty Johnny who says, "Z. Zoo. Last summer I went to the zoo and saw an elephant that had the biggest fucking cock I have ever seen." The civics teacher said, "Class, I am going to tell you every attribute you need to have in order to be elected president of the United States." "Fucking liar," said Dirty Johnny. "That, ironically, is number one on the list." Dirty Johnny got an electric train for Christmas. He quickly assembled the train and began playing conductor: "All aboard, you assholes. All whores sit in the aisle seats. That will facilitate all the cock sucking you'll be doing today." "Johnny," said his mother, rushing in from the kitchen, "you turn that train off and sit in the corner for a half hour. Using language like that!" A half hour later Johnny switches his train back on and says, "Good day and welcome to DFJ railways. I hope you enjoy your journey; if there are any complaints about the delay in service you can talk to the fucking bitch in the kitchen." A behavioral psychologist devised an experiment to test how quickly children can associate color with taste. The experiment consisted of placing a bowl of Life Savers in front of a group of second graders. After a few tries the kids would say: "Red tastes just like cherry. Yellow tastes just like pineapple. Green.Lime, Orange.Orange." Then he gave them a honey Life Saver, but none of them could identify it. He said, "I'll give you a hint. This flavor is something your mommy calls your daddy." Dirty Johnny said, "Spit them out! He's feeding us assholes." Dirty Johnny says to his neighbor, "Mom's sick and I need $100 to check her into the hospital." "How do I know," says the neighbor, "that you won't spend the money on drugs?" "Fuck you," says Johnny. "I've got drug money." Many many many more sick and twisted Dirty Johnny jokes inside. This ite Shipping may be from our UK warehouse or from our Australian or US warehouses, depending on stock availability.
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Paperback. Condizione: new. Paperback. Doris said to her sister, "I have to be extremely careful not to get pregnant." "But I thought Bill got a vasectomy?" "Precisely." What's the best thing to do when you see your wife staggering around on your front lawn? Shoot her again. Why are men smarter when they're making love? They are… plugged into a fucking know-it-all. What do a fat chick and a moped have in common? They're both fun to ride, but you never want your friends to see you on one. A bride-to-be knows exactly what type of music she wants played at her wedding. She auditions 20 pianists before this musician plays an original composition that is precisely what she was looking for. "That was perfect," she says. "What do you call it?" He says, "Drive Me to Capistrano Baby, Because That's Where You're Gonna Swallow." "Yuck. What a nasty title; but it is a beautiful song, play me another." He does and this one is even better. "That's magnificent. What do you call it?" "Bend Over and Touch Your Ankles Baby-I'm a Backdoor Man." "You're hired," she says, "but for God's sake don't tell anyone the names of your songs." The wedding day comes and the guests at the reception are more than impressed with the music. But the pianist has been drinking an ocean of champagne. He has to go to the bathroom and is so drunk he botches the job. He cleans up as best he can and returns to the piano. Halfway there he's stopped by the bride who says, "Do you know there's shit on your shoes and your zipper's down?" "Know it?" he says. "Bitch, I wrote it." What do you call a couple using the rhythm, will power, or withdrawal methods of birth control? Parents. A woman told her friend, "I just made my ex-husband a millionaire." "What was he before?" "A billionaire." Why do people get married? So they have someone to blame. What's the difference between a wife and mistress? About 45 pounds. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 45 minutes. Samantha discontinued sex to answer the phone. When she returned to bed her partner asked, "Who was that?" "My husband." "What does he want?" "He just wanted to tell me he'll be home late because he went bowling with you." A man propositions a hooker. He offers $10. She insists on $50. That's too steep for him so he decides to go home to his wife. They fuck and then walk down to the local bar for a drink. They pass the hooker who says, "See what a lousy $10 gets you?" A husband said, "I've devised a new sexual position that will save our marriage." The wife said, "What is it?" "Back-to-back." "It's impossible to have sex back-to-back." "Sure we can. I've persuaded the new neighbors to join us." At a divorce recovery workshop a man stands up and says, "My ex-wife is a decent, honest person and a great mother to our children. But I'm into kinky sex-I mean the kinkier the better-and she was a straight lay. It put our marriage under so much strain it fell apart." A lady stands up and says, "Same with me. And I live around the corner." So they leave and go to her place. They do some kissy-face and get naked on the couch and she says, "I'm ready." "Me too." She runs to her bedroom and assembles all her gear: leather bra and thong, whip and handcuffs, nipple clips and a battery powered dildo that could propel a bass boat. She returns to the living room and sees him dressed and leaving. "Hey! Where are you going? I thought you liked it kinky?" He says, "Lady, I just fucked your cat and shit in your purse, what the hell do you want?" Why do women have periods? Because they deserve them. After making love the bride slapped her husband's face. "What was that for?" he asked. "For being a lousy fucking lover." He slapped her back. "What was that for?" she asked. "For knowing the difference." What's the definition of confidence? Your wife finds you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You're next bitc Shipping may be from our UK warehouse or from our Australian or US warehouses, depending on stock availability.
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Paperback. Condizione: new. Paperback. Davis O'Kane is embroiled in an IRS audit, a divorce, a burgeoning romance, a harrowing relapse into gambling addiction, and an accumulation of dead friends and acquaintances. The cops want answers but Davis has only more questions. Add to this Nevada high-desert drama a crooked horse race,… a bitter custody battle for his twin daughters, and a scientific scheme to beat the roulette wheel and you have Fish Stories. Shipping may be from our UK warehouse or from our Australian or US warehouses, depending on stock availability.
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Lingua: Inglese
Editore: Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2013
Serie: The Wrath of Grapes Murder Mysteries, Libro 1 di 1. Libro 1 di 1 - The Wrath of Grapes Murder Mysteries
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Paperback / softback. Condizione: New. This item is printed on demand. New copy - Usually dispatched within 5-9 working days.
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Da: THE SAINT BOOKSTORE, Southport, Regno UnitoTHE SAINT BOOKSTORE
Contatta il venditoreVenditore con 5 stelleCondizione: Nuovo
EUR 22,32
EUR 18,75 spedizioneSpedito da Regno Unito a U.S.A.Quantità: Più di 20 disponibili
Paperback / softback. Condizione: New. This item is printed on demand. New copy - Usually dispatched within 5-9 working days.
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Da: THE SAINT BOOKSTORE, Southport, Regno UnitoTHE SAINT BOOKSTORE
Contatta il venditoreVenditore con 5 stelleCondizione: Nuovo
EUR 39,94
EUR 13,67 spedizioneSpedito da Regno Unito a U.S.A.Quantità: Più di 20 disponibili
Paperback / softback. Condizione: New. This item is printed on demand. New copy - Usually dispatched within 5-9 working days.
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Da: CitiRetail, Stevenage, Regno UnitoCitiRetail
Contatta il venditoreVenditore con 5 stelleCondizione: Nuovo
EUR 14,31
EUR 42,89 spedizioneSpedito da Regno Unito a U.S.A.Quantità: 1 disponibili
Paperback. Condizione: new. Paperback. "Can I," Little Rodney Redneck asked his father, "have some money for some Red Man?" "What happened to the five-dollars I gave you Saturday for shoveling horseshit?" asked dad. "I've been giving it to the old homeless man in the park." Dad is so proud of Rodney. His kindness and Christian c…harity. He opens his wallet and hands him a five dollar bill. "I'm proud of you Johnny, but this money you keep for yourself. If you continue giving them money, the lazy-ass homeless will never get a job." "But this homeless guy already has a job." "Really? What does he do?" "Every Saturday morning, for five dollars, he sucks my cock." A redneck woman walks into a gun shop and says, "I'd like to buy a shotgun for my husband." "What does he like: .10 gauge, .12 gauge, .14 gauge?" "Doesn't matter. The dumbshit doesn't even know that I am going to shoot him." What's a nine year old redneck girl say the first time she has sex? "Hey Pa, you're crushing my smokes." How can you tell the redneck Amish in your neighborhood? They have a dead horse up on blocks in their front yard. How do you circumcise a redneck? Punch his sister in the jaw. Two redneck gals are gossiping while walking through the Piggly Wiggly. "How was your date with Billy last night?" "We sat on the couch and immediately he started groping my ass. So I slapped him as hard as I could right across the face. But I regretted it as soon as I hit him." "You have feelings for him?" "No. He was chewing tobacco." A redneck came to work one day and started passing cigars out to celebrate the birth of his son. "Congratulations Billy Bob," said his boss. "How much did the little 'un weigh?" "5 lbs. 7 oz." "That's kind of small isn't it?" "It's not bad," said Billy Bob. "Considering we've only been married two months." What do you call a dozen rednecks at an orgy? A family reunion. How we know that Adam and Eve were from West Virginia? Because they had no house, no car, no job-but still thought they were living in paradise. Why did 18 rednecks go to the same movie? Because of the sign: 17 and Under Not Allowed A southern football coach, determined to teach his team about the evils of alcohol, took a worm and dropped it into a bottle of vodka. The worm shriveled and died. "What," said the coach, "have you learned from this?" His star linebacker said, "I learned that if I drink enough vodka I'll never have the problems with worms that my momma has." A redneck's definition of a perfect woman? A blind, dumb, deaf, nymphomaniac who owns a chain of liquor stores. What is XX? A redneck cosigning for his brother. The sex-education teacher drew a penis on the blackboard and asked the class, "Does anybody know what this is?" Little Rodney Redneck stands up and says, "It's a cock. My dad has two of them." "Your father has two penises?" asked the teacher. "Yeah. The little one he pisses out of and the big one he uses to brush the babysitter's teeth." A pit bull chased Little Rodney Redneck up a tree. The owner came by and said, "Sorry kid. I was bringing him to the vet's to have his balls snipped. The operation will calm him down, this will never happen again." "I have a better idea," said Rodney. "Why don't you take him to a dentist and remove his teeth? I could see from a block away he wasn't going to fuck me." Little Rodney Redneck calls up the principal and says, "I'm sick and can't come to school today." "Rodney," asks the principal, "how sick are you?" "I just," says Rodney, "fucked my grandma up the ass is that sick enough for you?" Many more redneck and Little Rodney jokes inside This item is printed on demand. Shipping may be from our UK warehouse or from our Australian or US warehouses, depending on stock availability.
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Da: CitiRetail, Stevenage, Regno UnitoCitiRetail
Contatta il venditoreVenditore con 5 stelleCondizione: Nuovo
EUR 14,31
EUR 42,89 spedizioneSpedito da Regno Unito a U.S.A.Quantità: 1 disponibili
Paperback. Condizione: new. Paperback. An old man living at the retirement home was attracted to an old lady, also living at the home. One evening after lights out, he has a couple shots of Scotch and sneaks down the hall. Fortified by his liquid courage he says, "I wanna fuck you." "Well," she says, "everyone else is asleep, so…, what the hell." "How do you like to do it?" "I really like it when a man goes down on me," she says. He lifts up her nightie, takes off her panties and starts yodeling in the gully. He comes up about 15 seconds later with a disgusted look on his face. "I'm sorry, I just can't do this. Something smells fucking rotten down there." She said, "It must be my arthritis." He said, "You can't get arthritis in your vagina, and even so it wouldn't cause that horrible smell." She said, "The arthritis is in my shoulder. I can't wipe." What's 60 feet long and smells like piss? The conga line in a nursing home. An older couple makes an appointment to see their doctor. "What's wrong?" asks the doctor. "We're from a different generation than you and we have problems talking about sex," says the lady. "Perhaps we could show you?" The doctor curses silently under his breath, but then remembers his Hippocratic Oath, and says, "Certainly." So they strip naked, hop up on the examining table and fuck like teenagers. They get dressed and the man says, "Huh, it didn't happen that time. Perhaps we should make an appointment for next week." They come back week after week after week: fucking like bunny rabbits every time until the doctor says, "What's really going on here?" The lady says, "When we do it at my house, my husband beats us up. When we do it at his house his wife throws cold water on us. A nice motel costs $80; a fleabag hotel costs $40, but you have a $12 co-pay and my insurance covers the rest." A minister married a considerably younger woman. On their wedding night he excused himself and went into the bathroom to slip into some pajamas. He exited the bathroom and saw his new wife naked and spread-eagled on the bed. "Darling," he said, "I thought we'd start our married life with me on your knees at the foot of the bed." "Okay. But that position always gives me gas." An elderly couple is hit by a bus and goes to heaven. St. Peter ushers them in and gives them a guided tour of their eternal resting place. "Here's the golf course. There's the swimming pool. There's your condo. If you need anything press the button for room service and an angel will deliver it." St. Peter leaves and the old man turns to his wife and says, "Screw you!" "What's your problem? This is fantastic." "Yes, it is. And if it wasn't for those vitamins and all that fucking oat bran you fed me I'd have been here 15 years ago." Three generations of the Collins family were getting ready to tee off one Sunday when the threesome was joined by a beautiful, young female golfer. Before they could introduce themselves the young lady said, "Listen, I'm a two handicap so I don't need any of your patronizing petty male-chauvinist-bullshit advice. So just leave me the fuck alone." "Okay," said Grandpa Collins. "Okay," said Mr. Collins. "Okay," said Junior. The foursome teed off and played the first 17 holes. On the par five 18th the female golfer blasted a 290 yard tee shot, then hit a long iron to the fringe. The Collins boys reached the green a few shots later. She said, "I'm sorry if I was rude earlier, but if I sink this I'll break par for the first time in my life. I need some help, and," she added, "if your advice pays off I'll give my coach the best knee-buckling blowjob they've ever had." "Well," said Junior, "I'd pitch-and-run with a seven iron." "I'd putt it," said Mr. Collins, "and let the natural break run it up to the hole." Grandpa dropped his pants and waved his dick, "Pick it up. It's a gimme." Many Many Many jokes more inside This item is printed on demand. Shipping may be from our UK warehouse or from our Australian or US warehouses, depending on stock availability.
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Da: CitiRetail, Stevenage, Regno UnitoCitiRetail
Contatta il venditoreVenditore con 5 stelleCondizione: Nuovo
EUR 14,31
EUR 42,89 spedizioneSpedito da Regno Unito a U.S.A.Quantità: 1 disponibili
Paperback. Condizione: new. Paperback. What's worse than having your doctor tell you have gonorrhea? Having your dentist tell you. The doctor said, "I want you to strip, walk to the open window, then wave your cock-and-balls around." "Do they need air?" "Not really. I just hate that asshole lawyer across the breezeway." Why do s…urgeons wear masks during operations? So if they fuck up no one can ID them. Why are lawyers buried 30 feet under the ground? Because down deep they're probably alright. "You need to eat a high fiber diet," the doctor told the heart patient, "quit smoking, and get some exercise." "What about sex?" "Just with your wife. We don't want you getting too excited." What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? A vulture can't remove his wingtips. A man arrives at the emergency room; the doctor approaches him and says, "Your wife's been in a terrible car accident, she's a paraplegic and brain-dead. You'll have to spend the rest of your life caring for her." "But doc, I'm only 25 years old. She might live another 60 years; I can't spend the rest of my life taking care of an invalid." "You won't have to," says the doctor. "I was just fucking with you. She's dead." Two lawyers hire a stunning new secretary and a contest begins between them to bed her. They both end up sleeping with her the day of the Christmas party and meet afterwards for drinks and bragging rights. "So how do you rate her cocksucking?" asks the first partner. "My wife is better." "You're right." How do you save a lawyer from drowning? Take your foot off his head. A couple visit a sex therapist who asks the wife, "What do you think is the biggest problem with your sex life?" "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation." "Is this true?" the therapist asks the husband. "I don't actually suffer," he replies. "She does." How does a lawyer say "Fuck you"? "Trust me." A lawyer said to his client on death row, "I've got good news and bad news." "What's the bad news?" "You're going to the electric chair tomorrow." "What's the good news?" "I got the voltage reduced." A doctor and his wife are out for a walk. A streetwalker says, "Good afternoon, Doctor Kiley." Before his wife can say anything, he says, "Don't worry. I know her professionally." She asks, "Your profession or hers?" Ben Affleck goes to the doctor and says, "You gotta help me, doctor. Every time I see myself in the mirror I get an erection." "That's because," says the doctor, "you're a pussy." Did you hear about the female lawyer who moonlighted as a hooker? She was a prostituting attorney. How do you sleep like an attorney? First you lie on one side and, then you lie on the other. What's brown and black and looks great on a lawyer? A Doberman. What's 15 inches long and dangles in front of an asshole? A lawyer's tie. A baby boy was born weighing ten pounds, but his testicles weighed five pounds. When the doctor told his mom he'd have to be placed in a mental institution she said, "Why?" The doctor said, "He's half nuts." What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality. The doctor says, "I have bad news and worse news." "What's the bad news?" "You have one month to live." "What's the worse news?" "It's February." What do you need when you have seven lawyers up to their necks in quicksand? More quicksand. A doctor phones his patient, "I have good news and bad news." "What's the good news?" "You have 72 hours to live." "What's the bad news?" "I forgot to call you yesterday." What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit? The bucket. Why don't lawyers vacation at the beach? Cats bury them in the sand. Many many more doctor and lawyer jokes inside. This item is printed on demand. Shipping may be from our UK warehouse or from our Australian or US warehouses, depending on stock availability.
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Da: CitiRetail, Stevenage, Regno UnitoCitiRetail
Contatta il venditoreVenditore con 5 stelleCondizione: Nuovo
EUR 14,31
EUR 42,89 spedizioneSpedito da Regno Unito a U.S.A.Quantità: 1 disponibili
Paperback. Condizione: new. Paperback. Why doesn't Smokey Bear have any children? Because every time his wife gets hot he throws dirt on her and beats her with a shovel. A lady brings her Schnauzer to the vets. The receptionist asks her what's wrong with the dog. The lady shows her the dog's ear, which has an ingrown hair. "I'll… save you some money," says the receptionist. "Just go down to the drug store and get some hair remover and rub it on the dog's ear. You won't need to see the doctor." "Thanks." She goes to the drug store and says to the clerk, "Do you have hair remover?" "What kind, lotion or spray?" "What's the difference?" "You use the lotion for armpits. Rub it on and wait five minutes. Rub it off. But don't wear anything tight-fitting for a day." "It's not for my armpits." "Then use the spray for your legs. Spray it on. Wait. Wash it off. But don't wear nylons for a day." "It's not for my legs either." Confused, the clerk says, "What is it for?" "It's for my little Schnauzer." "Use the lotion. But don't ride a bike for a couple of days." Why can't worms dance? They don't have any balls. Why don't roosters wear boxer shorts? Their peckers are on their faces. What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl? A cock that stays up all night. What's green and smells like pork? Kermit the Frog's dick. Why do male rabbits fuck so quietly? They've got cotton balls. What do you call a group of rabbits all jumping backwards in unison? A receding hare line. Why does Miss Piggy douche with vinegar and honey? Because Kermit loves sweet-and-sour pork. Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can. Why did the horny rooster cross the gymnasium? He heard the ref was blowing fouls. What does a man do standing up that a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? Shake hands. Why don't lobsters play well with others? They're shellfish. A worm comes up from a hole and sees another worm. He says, "Wanna fuck?" "I'm your other end, dipshit." "What's the most unusual pet you have?" asked the lady. "I have a frog that," said the pet store owner, "loves to eat pussy." "I'll take it." She's back the next day, "I want my money back." "Why?" "He didn't eat anything except some flies." "You must be doing something wrong. Let's go to your place." They do and he says, "Show me exactly what you did." She takes off her clothes, sits on the bed and places the frog in front of her twat. Nothing. The guy picks the frog up, hands it to the woman. He kneels in front of her spread legs and says to the frog, "This is the last time I'm going to show you." An American is touring Scotland by bicycle when he sees a man with his kilt hiked up, fucking a sheep. The American stops and the Scot says, "What are you staring at, Yank?" "We have sheep in our country, but we don't do that to them." "What do you do to sheep in your country, laddie?" "We shear them." "Get your own; I'm not shearing with nobody." Many many many more filthy, x-rated animal jokes inside. This item is printed on demand. Shipping may be from our UK warehouse or from our Australian or US warehouses, depending on stock availability.
